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Wallander

Kenneth Branagh as Kurt Wallander
  • Posted at 3:50pm
  • 09 December 2008
  • by AlisonGraham-RT
  • 30 comments

The time has come and I can't put it off any longer. I have to go Christmas shopping with dour Swedish detective Kurt Wallander…

The brightly lit shopping mall is alive with coloured lights. A children's choir is singing and someone is handing out free mince pies.

Wallander stands still, and stares into space. I look at him: "Kurt, you'd feel better if you had a shave. Why are you always so scruffy?"

He doesn't look at me as he replies. "Shave? What is the point of shaving because I will die. You will die…we will all die. And this mince pie. It is rotten inside. Like my soul. Like your soul."

Oh dear, it was going to be one of those days. I try to jolly him along. "Come on, Kurt, it's Christmas. Let's go into this toy shop…" I look around, but he's gone. I run out of the mall and find Wallander standing alone in a field of wheat.

"How on earth did you get here? I didn't even know there was a field of wheat in this part of town."

Wallander's bloodshot eyes fill with tears. "I often stand alone in fields as the wind blows…there is always a field of wheat…I stand here silently and think of death. Because we are all going to die."

I can see this is becoming hopeless. "Come on, Kurt, it's nearly Christmas, let's go back inside and have some fun…"

"Fun, what is fun when death is all around…"

After I hit him over the head with a Christmas tree, Wallander comes with me into the toy shop. He absently picks up a fluffy reindeer soft toy which plays a tinny version of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

Wallander's eyes fill with tears again as he looks into the distance. I snap. "For God's sake, what are you always looking at? What is it? What can you see?"

Wallander sighs and speaks slowly. "Rudolph…had…a…very…shiny…nose. You could even say…it glows…all of the other reindeer used to laugh. And call him names…poor Rudolph, humiliated as he waited for death."

I'm beginning to lose my patience as we browse the toiletries in a department store. "Shall we get some bubble bath for my sister?" I ask.

Wallander looks away and his voice drops. "Bubbles…bubbles…lasting seconds before they sputter and die. Just like you and me. For we will all die."

Right, I've had enough of this: "Come on, you miserable Swedish git, we're going. Where did you park the car?"

"What does it matter where we parked the car? We will all die, no matter where we parked the car…"

They found him hours later, a sprig of holly piercing his heart.

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Comments

  • Posted on 15 September 2009
  • at 5:30pm
  • by LauraPledger-RT

FAO nick breakspear - The remaining episodes of Wallander will be shown at Christmas.

  • Posted on 14 September 2009
  • at 7:18pm
  • by nick breakspear

what has happened to swedish wallander! i thought there were 13 episodes and only 10 have been shown?!?!? please explain -Nick

PS i don't have BBC4 reception so only watch on iplayer

  • Posted on 31 August 2009
  • at 11:49pm
  • by Jacqueline

at last BBC has redeemed itself a tad with this Swedish version of Wallander. It is rising like a pheonix from the 80% bilge and repeats the BBC has sunk to televise- at least for this decade. I am appalled at Ms Alison Graham's article; she was (hopefully) under the influence to have written something of a tabloid-ilk. RIP BBC; shame on you.

  • Posted on 27 July 2009
  • at 11:17pm
  • by Orpheus2000

I don't recall what happened to the English version of Wallander. I think I saw two episodes, which were both a bit flat. No great loss, anyway, I thought. I find the original Swedish version, currently being shown, far better, perhaps as might be expected. The characters, indeed the entire production, are much more convincing. Although some British TV drama is very good, (and is at least better than anything the USA seems to be capable of!) it doesn't reach this standard.

  • Posted on 07 January 2009
  • at 1:30pm
  • by Kate

I seldom agree with Alison Graham (apart from liking Green Wing), but must admit that, although a little harsh, this did make me laugh.

  • Posted on 03 January 2009
  • at 11:25am
  • by gill

I must confess I found Wallender curiously compelling.I am surprised his whole team haven't been suspended for their apparant lack of motivation! Would watch another series though. Come on... Alison's article was b......y funny.

  • Posted on 28 December 2008
  • at 1:53pm
  • by LouLou

What a fantastic post! Absolutely spot on! Unfortunately Wallander was faithful to the books, which are rather bleak. Kurt Wallander is a particularly dour detective. The show was beautifully shot though. For me it was spoilt by Kenneth Brannagh. He is undoubtedly a talented stage actor and director but is a little hit and miss when it comes to the small screen. He lurched from painfully underacting to hilarious overacting. One of the final scenes with his daughter should have been a poignant moment, but it had me in stitches!

Can't really see a second series being commissioned somehow…

  • Posted on 19 December 2008
  • at 11:56pm
  • by Chaka

Obviously reads Kierkegaard for laughs, I thought. Then I saw have your say on p49 and read Alison Graham. Alison hit the nail right on the head! Give me Frost! Come back Foyle (especially, come back Foyle, please...)!

  • Posted on 16 December 2008
  • at 9:30am
  • by Albrecht

Best and most believable detective so far. His silences mean more than the others' over expression. I enjoyed the rticle - real humour -and that's rare these days.

  • Posted on 16 December 2008
  • at 9:30am
  • by Albrecht

Best and most believable detective so far. His silences mean more than the others' over expression. I enjoyed the rticle - real humour -and that's rare these days.

  • Posted on 14 December 2008
  • at 10:58pm
  • by James

I feel that wallander was not so much a detective as a showcase for the overacting Branagh. his portrayal was ludicrous.

  • Posted on 14 December 2008
  • at 10:13pm
  • by toscaholly

If there's a more boring detective/policeman on tv then I've still to see him. Wallander IS BORING. Even worse than David Caruso on CSI Miami with all his stationary posing.

  • Posted on 14 December 2008
  • at 9:37pm
  • by Evie 1

Well, well. well. I never thought it would happen I actually agree with Alison Graham!

The UK version of Wallander is too dull, overacted and down right boring. I suggest if the makers are intending to make any more, that they study, VERY closely, the Swedish version which was shown last week and the week before. It was better acted brighter photography and far far more entertaining even with the sub-titles. The actor who played the lead part knocked Mr. Brannagh's version in to touch. he was just as bemused over his pending divorce but far less tearful!!!!

  • Posted on 14 December 2008
  • at 9:14pm
  • by aArpsy

I would like to thank Alison (10 times more grumpy than Wallander on a bad day) for reminding me why i stopped my subscription to the Radio Times. I bought it for the 2 weeks leading up to Christmas but the tone of her column plus most of her other contributions outweights, unfortunately, the benefits of reading the Radio Times. At least Wallander is a fictional figure of misery unlike Alison Graham who shows yet again who a misery she really is to have to read( sorry, I forgot I am no longer subscripting, hurray.

  • Posted on 14 December 2008
  • at 3:36pm
  • by Ash

Alison Graham's sarcasm and her persistant advocation of trivia is becoming deeply tiresome, and out of place. Wallender has been a refreshingly bleak alternative to the usual weekend evening dross on television. Perhaps she needs to promoted so viewers no longer have to be subjected to her shallow and inane ramblings. I hear tell of a lunchtime TV show called Loose Women where views such as hers are regularly aired; her natural environment, one feels.

  • Posted on 14 December 2008
  • at 12:04pm
  • by H

Thanks Alison - you always make me laugh!

  • Posted on 14 December 2008
  • at 10:24am
  • by John

Yes Wallander is a bit miserable, but come on he did smile during a date last week, of course his new girlfriend was killed a few minutes later, but even he implied some good had come out of it! He is the new Inspector Morose, we love him here in Oxford.

  • Posted on 14 December 2008
  • at 2:26am
  • by Spudgun

Alison Grahams 'supreme wit' belongs in the TV Times or some other low brow TV weekly with some soap pillock on the front cover.

It's about time RT dispensed with this dreadful woman & employed someone less sensationalist.

Her 'journalism' is nothing more than tabloid bile & the only TV guide I can read from cover to cover with a good percentage of intelligent articles is tarnished with her sub standard & unfunny reviews.

Charlie Brooker does the witty & sardonic review show on BBC4 & you are just a rank amueter Ms Graham.

  • Posted on 13 December 2008
  • at 7:48pm
  • by Francis

I thought this piece was funny. So many thanks, Alison. And thanks also to the BBC for the Britified Wallander; it is most excellent TV crime drama.

  • Posted on 12 December 2008
  • at 7:44pm
  • by ingrid

why don't you sack this woman,she writes terribly

  • Posted on 12 December 2008
  • at 6:02pm
  • by Phil

The problem is that Alison's attitude seems to be "It's only the telly so we don't have to take it too seriously" which is fine for the X Factor or Strictly which do not take themselves seriously but does not sit well with drama progammes which have higher aspirations. Here I believe we are entitled to expect more considered and intelligent comment. You only have to look at the serious daily and Sunday papers to see what is possible.

  • Posted on 12 December 2008
  • at 3:01pm
  • by maggie

who is alison graham and what qualifications does she have to belittle the superb wrighting /acting of the series, wallender.Perhaps she should limit her viewing to new tricks.I have decided to stop buying the radio times till she has stopped her inane ramblings ! Perhaps she should take lessons from the wonderful Barry Norman.

  • Posted on 10 December 2008
  • at 11:46pm
  • by Klegg

This topic is trivial and misses succinct criticism. For example, Mastermind is a suspense filled detective film and for those who are fluent in the Swedish language there is really not much to complain about. However the translation is abysmal. It is inaccurate in many places, but worse, the subtexts use much stronger language than the original. The F word does not occur in the Swedish version and generally the swear words are milder. I would guess that the translation is by one of those Swedes who use very strong language when speaking English. This stems from watching too many foul mouthed American films; all too often used to "enhance" fluency in English. I have often found such language uncomfortable and extraneous. A native British English translator would have probably given a more accurate rendering.

  • Posted on 10 December 2008
  • at 9:51pm
  • by MikeL

First Survivors, now Wallander. Maybe they're both about audience participation. I've certainly screamed with frustration and wanted to throw a brick at my TV many times. The last Wallander made me want to hang myself. What is the matter with this man? What is the matter with the director? It's all very moody but Bergman it isn't. It's a bloody cop show and it's no bloody cop! The only good thing about Wallander is that when you think you cant stand his life-sucking misery and torpor any more, he gets out his gun and blasts someone.

  • Posted on 10 December 2008
  • at 8:18pm
  • by MazY

"RT's TV editor tells us which shows she's loving - or hating - each week."

If only she would. I have an interest in television, not the prosiac ramblings of an aspiring short-story author.

This mindless self-indulgent peice told us, the readers, absolutely nothing about the Wallander series. As is the case with most blogs, this has become more about the author than the subject. A complete waste of the reader's time.

  • Posted on 10 December 2008
  • at 12:28pm
  • by Michael

Dreadful. So typical of the self indulgent writer's Radio Times column.

  • Posted on 10 December 2008
  • at 12:14pm
  • by Phil

I wonder if Alison's humour appeals more to women than men. Having said that it's not down to her sex as I find Caitlin Moran writing in the times extemely funny.

  • Posted on 10 December 2008
  • at 12:08pm
  • by Ionaclio

I laughed too Alison. You sure have got the measure of this guy! Try as I might, I don't find that I am hooked by this detective series at all. Each episode so far, could have been labelled, "buckets of blood". I so want to send Wallander a razor to shave that dreadful stubble he has....not for any sinister reason....but I like Morse. I like Lewis. I like Foyle. That is Sunday night viewing....

  • Posted on 10 December 2008
  • at 11:14am
  • by Rachel

I'm sorry, Phil, but I laughed. :-)

  • Posted on 09 December 2008
  • at 5:58pm
  • by Phil

What a pity to trivialise one of the best cop series to come along for a long time. It would almost be forgiveable if it was funny but the piece totally lacks any sort of wit. Incidentally I have just watched two of the Swedish Wallander's broadcast on BBC4 and they were equally excellent in their own way. What a brilliant idea to broadcast these and the Maigret's last week and Inspector Montalbano next week.

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