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Big Brother: week seven

Big Brother hopeful Rebecca
  • Posted at 5:02pm
  • 24 July 2008
  • by PaulJones-RT
  • 1 comment

Task 2/5

"Ooh, heaven is a place on earth," sang Belinda Carlisle, and she was right. So is hell. Who knew they were both located in Borehamwood?

In hell this week, the housemates have had very little with which to amuse themselves, other than peeling onions and turning off alarm clocks. In heaven, they have a swimming pool, luxury food and alcohol, yet their entertainment consists of watching Bex lick Luke's armpit. And worse.

As we know, Bex is very, very annoying. But she's also rather a sad figure, having decided that the best way to get the attention she craves is to abuse and humiliate herself. Clearly, that makes her very vulnerable, so it was uncomfortable to watch Dale, Rex and Stu gleefully egging her on to increasingly degrading acts. "You've gotta get totally naked." "Yeah, yeah, and then you've gotta go near the pool…and do star jumps!" "Can I keep my pants on?" "You can wear a thong…"

Later, the denizens of heaven whooped and cheered as Dale brought out takeaways and booze. So unbearable was the scene for those cast out that Mikey was forced to turn his back and cover his eyes - and he's blind.

Rising above it all - and making sure we knew it - was Lisa. While the rest of the damned hung over the fence hungrily watching their betters devour their ill-gotten gains, Lisa remained impassive. "That's fine, enjoy it" she said. I'll just sweep the floor like a martyr.

Without Mario to bounce off (or grease up or rub down), Lisa has withdrawn into a trance-like state, emerging only to cast herself as "selfless" and to compare her actions - such as "letting" others take her place in heaven - to the works of Jesus. And like Jesus, Lisa claims, she has been constantly "tested".

Just as the Lord spent 40 days and 40 nights in the wilderness, so Lisa has been cast into a Mario-less wasteland, devoid of health and safety assessments, incessant repetitions of mundane pronouncements, and general orangeness. Jesus suffered physical torment too - mercilessly flayed and beaten on his way to the cross - and so has Lisa been struck down, with a cold…

Romance 1/5? 5/5?

What can I say? Little wet noises. Bex chewing on a seemingly dead Luke's face. His tongue protruding, motionless, as she withdrew. Is that romance? I guess it depends on your viewpoint.

Quotes 4/5

Darnell gets aggressive-submissive: "What else can I do for you? Can I wash your ass? Can I lick your balls?"

"Darnell should be prepared to be shot at because people are going to shoot their nomination bullets at him." At the very beginning, I liked Luke's quirky analogies. Now I just find them snide and irritating. Maybe it's just because he's aiming them at someone I like, and not Mario. (Bloody Mario. Had to get evicted while I was away, didn't he?)

Dale justifies "deliberately" making himself unpopular with the housemates from hell, and demonstrates his humility into the bargain: "I don't wanna sail through to the final without being up for eviction once."

Bex on Mohamed: "Irritating, annoying, just not a very nice person." Pot? Kettle? Black..? Speaking of which…

…Rachel makes a startling discovery: "Are you black, Darnell?!"

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  • Posted on 30 July 2008
  • at 11:09am
  • by Cherie

Spot on and very well written article. Filling Grace's boots more than adequately. Lord Snooty (Rex) and Fabio (Dale) to go soon please - Dale is dull as mud and Rex needs to face the real world, get dumped by his girlfriend and go back to his father's safe cocoon.

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