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The Apprentice: Week Eleven

The Apprentice hopeful Lucinda Ledgerwood
  • Posted at 3:35pm
  • 05 June 2008
  • by PaulJones-RT
  • 1 comment

Trips to Marrakesh, hot-air balloon rides and teas at the Ritz have detracted somewhat from Sir Alan's claim that The Apprentice is "the job interview from hell". But this week it was exactly that. The candidates faced gruelling one-to-ones with four of Sir Alan's business colleagues - each with their own special powers. They were introduced, respectively, as "no-nonsense", "ruthless", "a stickler for detail" and "a woman".

The Final Five (for Battlestar Galactica fans, that's candidates, not Cylons) were apparently in for a severe "probing", so no wonder Lee was worried about the fate of his rear end.

In the past, Lee's "arse" has been "on the line", "in a sling" and possibly even "under fire". This week, as he awaited an "arse-chewing", he claimed his backside was "actually on the floor". As Basil Fawlty once remarked of an American guest, "Everything's bottoms with you, isn't it?"

Still, Lee had a point. All the hard work they'd been through over the past ten weeks could indeed be about go down the pan. "You'll be fine though, Lee," I laughed to myself. "I mean, it's not like you're going to do your "reverse pterodactyl" impression in an interview is it? Lee…? No, Lee… no, wait…" Oh dear.

Alex didn't do any impressions - he didn't do much at all. And when he did speak, he still didn't say anything: "I have an extensive skill set… I'm dynamic, I'm agile". Luckily though, Alex is young and, ooh, really rather dreamy…

Just ask Karen Brady (the woman). She probably confirmed all Sir Alan's suspicions about females in business when she began her assessment with the words "he's incredibly charming and good looking". But could Sir Alan have predicted that his right-hand man Nick would also fall for Alex? "That boy is shy, subtle and he'll make it!" Nick burst out at one point, in a near sob. "It's been very interesting having a lady's view" chuckled Sir Alan afterwards. I think he was referring to Karen.

Helene's interview technique was typically "ballsy". Her only really bad moment was that wincingly cheesy line from her CV: "I have dipped my toe into the sea of success and am now ready to dive into the ocean of opportunity". Well, ok, but just be careful you don't let the sand of pomposity get into your swimsuit. It's irritating.

Claire was very convincing too, although some of Sir Alan's cronies questioned whether her supposed transformation (from loudmouthed troublemaker to slightly less loudmouthed team player) was genuine. But does it matter? If she can adapt her behaviour in order to get things done, well, what more do you want?

And so to Lucinda. She was pretty slick in the interviews, as you might expect, but her heart was no longer in it. And by the time she and her suitcase full of berets took that long last taxi ride into the night, even I, a staunch Lucinda supporter, was convinced it was time.

When you really think about it, the idea of Sir Alan and Lucinda working together jars like one of her gloriously haphazard ensembles. But when we meet the four remaining contenders for the last time next week, I can't help thinking we'll be missing a certain splash of colour.

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  • Posted on 11 June 2008
  • at 1:45pm
  • by Guest
The blogger hits the nail on the head nearly every time for me and appears to transcribe my own inarticulate thoughts into succinct and very entertaining prose.

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