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The Apprentice: Week Six

The Apprentice hopeful Kevin Shaw
  • Posted at 9:58am
  • 01 May 2008
  • by PaulJones-RT
  • 3 comments

So, who wants to hear about my trip to the shops in search of Apprentice ice cream? Well, as an ice cream-tasting expedition it was fundamentally flawed (there was no ice cream, hence no tasting), but as a first stab at investigative journalism, I’m really quite pleased with it.

The manager of the shop confirmed that Claire’s team had indeed paid her a visit - back in June 2007! (I realise they don’t film the show on the week it’s broadcast, but who knew it lagged that far behind? It's strange to think that Sir Alan's Apprentice may already have been chosen.)

What’s more – and this will shock you – the supposedly reformed Claire had been “very, very pushy – really horrible, in fact,” and although the shop ordered a batch of her team’s ice cream, it was never received...

And so to this week’s task, which was to invent a special occasion and design a range of greetings cards around it. Jenny revealed that her personal passion was the environment (I was going to guess devouring babies) and suggested a “Saving the Planet Day”. Renaissance boss Kevin – who is the proud owner of a gas-guzzling Porsche, and wants a Ferrari to go with it – loved the idea of wasting paper in the name of the planet.

With Michael in charge of Alpha’s brainstorming session, the ideas were equally loopy. At No. 7 on their flip chart, it said simply “Aliens”. What, “Sorry You Were Abducted” cards? With slogans like “May all your probes be well lubricated”?

Thankfully, Alpha finally settled on “National Singles’ Day”. Ok, they did want to have it on 13th February, when all the shops are fully stocked with Valentine’s cards, but it beats Renaissance’s strategy of cutting down trees to save the environment.

Raef, who claims the spoken word is his tool, yet regularly struggles to finish a sentence, was chosen to pitch the idea to potential customers. Actually, he wasn’t bad, although I did think he went slightly over the top in describing single people as “a forgotten part of society”.

Perhaps, rather than designing greetings cards, they should have set up a charity for singletons: “Just a few hours of human contact can make all the difference. We organise activities, such as basket weaving, that bring meaning to single people’s lives - and maybe, just maybe, a little self-respect.”

Kevin’s faltering pitch, meanwhile, was a cringe-inducing cocktail of irrelevant facts, dubious logic and bizarre insults: “If you don’t put your weight behind it, then it’s just the same as the US saying ‘We don’t care about pollution’.”

Before getting down to the main business of firing Kevin, Sir Alan spun off on an intriguing tangent with some greeting card ideas of his own: “Sorry to hear that your loving husband got kicked to a pulp”? Ye-es… or maybe just “With sympathy”? Hero of the week was Raef, for his chivalrous defence of the increasingly timid Sara against a group of bullies led by last week’s hero, Lee. To be fair to Lee, I think he just says what he thinks (and this week he thought Sara was a slacker), but either way, pretty much every fired candidate I’ve interviewed has had a good word for Raef so I feel confident in dubbing him Sir Raef of Apprentice.

But what of Kevin, who aspires to be “the most successful businessman the world has seen, by the age of 40”? Will the Queen be inviting the diminutive bank manager to a ceremony recognising his services to British industry? I expect the card’s in the post…

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Comments

  • Posted on 06 May 2008
  • at 12:28pm
  • by PaulJones-RT

Hi erasmus13

I watched that scene again and you're right, it was pretty extreme (and that is a disturbing image you've come up with!). I wonder how he feels when he watches that back...? I hope he's pretty horrified.

To be honest, I don't understand what made Lee think he had the right to have a go at Sara anyway - she wasn't on his team, so he doesn't know what went on. Very disappointing.

Cheers

Paul

  • Posted on 02 May 2008
  • at 4:51pm
  • by erasmus13

I think the reason that Sara didnt respond to Lees brutal verbal assault on her return to the house was that she was actually frightened to do so! He looked like his horrid stuble was about to explode from his chin, rather like a porcupines quills, when he was ranting on. Everyone in close proximity to him was edging away slightly in embarrasment. How louche.

In thre 'real world' out here, he could have been arrested under the Section 5 Public Order Act - Harrasment/Verbal abuse/threatening behaviour - putting in fear of violence etc!

thanks, bye!

  • Posted on 01 May 2008
  • at 4:35pm
  • by newface

Not only has an apprentice been picked but, according to last Sunday's People (or was it News of the World?), they've already deserted their prestigious post under Sir Alan after a mere two months...

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