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The Apprentice: Week Four

The Apprentice hopeful Simon Smith
  • Posted at 3:45pm
  • 17 April 2008
  • by PaulJones-RT

In a startlingly David Brent moment, Renaissance project manager Simon chose to demonstrate the concept of "glamour" by lying on the floor displaying his crotch to his bewildered team-mates. That was the image seared into their brains, then, as they headed off to start their photography task at Bluewater shopping centre.

Alpha, meanwhile, decided to hire a celebrity lookalike for their venture, and set up some auditions. An impressive (if several sizes too large) Del Boy was followed by an unremarkable-looking grey-haired man in a neat black suit. He claimed to be playing "the character of George". What, George your next-door neighbour? George, that well-dressed bloke down the pub? But then, through the door, stepped a vision in an England kit. Perfect Bluewater fodder - a David Beckham impersonator. Jenny went all giggly but Lindi, my god... Judging by the inane, beatific grin on her face, the pill she had dropped 40 minutes earlier had just kicked in.

Sir Alan had mixed up the teams this week, and re-drawn the battle lines. On team Alpha, it was giant, bossy Helene v manipulatively drippy Lucinda, while for Renaissance we saw sensitive sergeant-major Simon cross swords with smug, conniving Claire.

Helene had given self-confessed technophobe Lucinda – "I don't even know how to use a mobile phone" - the job of formatting the photos on the computer. Lucinda had a point when she said, "You should put people in the appropriate skills set," but at this stage of the competition, you have to wonder, what is Lucinda's skill set? She's failed to make a contribution in any area so far, and has whined and shirked her way through every task.

Meanwhile, on team Renaissance, Claire was gleefully stoking Simon's fire: "Just be conscious you don't flare up during the day." Yes, he was a little tense as a leader – he wanted to do well - but from what we saw, the aggressiveness she accused him of was mostly projected. She called him dictatorial, then proceeded to bombard him with instructions on how to behave. And when he did manage to get a word in, Claire claimed "this is not the place". I wanted to slap her, so God knows how Simon must have felt.

And what about Sir Alan's boardroom antics? Sending Alpha off for dinner on a private yacht (how happy Lucinda and Helene must have been to find themselves trapped together out at sea), he launched a violent attack on Claire.

It looked like she was about to find herself at the business end (or should that be non-business end) of Sir Alan's finger. "I'm sick and tired of looking at you!" Yes! "I'll tell you what I'm gonna do with you…" Yes, yes, do it!

But he was just toying with us. Claire was sent back to the house to fight – dirty - another day.

However contrived that little vignette was, Sir Alan seemed genuine when he told Simon, "I'm sorry, my friend, I think you're out of your depth". Simon was gracious in defeat, thanking Sir Alan for the opportunity and becoming the first person in the history of the show to bid a fond adieu to his secretary Frances. A true gentleman - more David Niven, really, than David Brent.

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