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The Apprentice: Week Two

The Apprentice hopeful Shazia Wahab
  • Posted at 3:49pm
  • 03 April 2008
  • by PaulJones-RT
  • 1 comment

This week's task was to set up a laundry business from scratch - but someone had left a red sock in team Alpha's white wash... Raef manfully stepped up as project manager for team Renaissance, demonstrating from the beginning the focused and decisive style he'd bring to the role:

"I've got no problem, er, um, y'know with, with taking this, er, y'know straight by the, er..." He trailed off. There was silence as the rest of the boys gazed expectantly at their new leader. Time passed. Finally, "Horns!" they all shouted in exasperation. "Horns," Raef agreed, "Yeah, absolutely." Words are his tools, you know.

Meanwhile, flame-haired Jenny had taken firm control of team Alpha. And with Lucinda quickly squeezed out of the planning process, battle was about to be joined…

In her own funny way, Lucinda is rather adorable. Her breathy, dreamy poshness reminds me of Madeline Bassett, a PG Wodehouse character with a tendency to describe the stars as "God's daisy chain". Jenny, on the other hand, is an unforgiving mistress. A hard (ginger) nut.

Sir Alan had set up pitching meetings with the manager of a London hotel, giving the teams a chance to kick-start their business with a big contract. While the boys phoned a commercial launderette to check prices, the girls decided to guess – badly.

At Alpha's meeting, "account manager" Lindi announced that the girls would be happy to offer a price of £4.99 per item for the hotel's daily batch of 1,000 items. £5,000 for a load of washing. Bargain. When the manager's jaw muscles started twitching, it wasn't clear whether he was trying to suppress a laugh or struggling to prevent himself from leaping across the desk and throttling Lindi. Either reaction would have been reasonable.

Anyway, the girls weren't going to get caught out like that again. Their next customer, a fishmonger, did everything short of making them swear on their mothers' lives that they really were intending to clean and iron a roomful of bloodstained, fishy chef's uniforms for just £15.

Meanwhile, the boys were a well-oiled military machine. A winning partnership had been forged when former Royal Artilleryman Simon - who had seen active laundry duty in Bosnia - agreed to play Sergeant Major to Raef's upper-class Commanding Officer (later, Simon was sweet as he harked back to the "good old days" in the service and paid his new CO a great accolade: "Even some of the officers I worked with in the army are not as distinguished as Raef.")

Over on the girls' side of town, chaos ensued when Shazia tried to steal a march on the boys and deserted her post to liberate the irons. Which, as Simon could have told her, would once have seen her shot. As it was, she merely guaranteed her place in the firing line.

Lucinda's overly fussy napkin folding made her a target too. She did put up a fight, but Jenny was relentless and it ended in tears. Sara, whose snappy, shouty manner has annoyed me up until now, waded in to defend Lucinda. Suddenly, I really liked Sara. I am so fickle when it comes to women.

Back to the boardroom, and has there ever been such a unanimous and heartfelt vote of confidence for a team leader as that received by Raef? It made the breast swell with pride and brought a tear to the eye - "F***ing Renaissance!", as one of the jubilant boys so eloquently put it.

Jenny fared less well. Out of a raucous jumble of recriminations, insults and unnecessary talk of breast-feeding, emerged the project manager, alongside Lucinda and Shazia – and it was Shazia who got taken to the cleaners! Maybe I'm being cynical, maybe I'm underestimating the Power of Alan, but it seems to me that Jenny, or possibly Lucinda, should have gone, and that they've both been spared so that - for our twisted pleasure - they can pursue their catfight away from the laundry basket. It could get messy. But what do you expect when you wash your dirty linen in public?

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  • Posted on 03 April 2008
  • at 6:04pm
  • by Lofty_p

Totally agree with last paragraph. This decision was about viewing figures - given that none of the three look like winning. Keep the protaganists in to keep the public interest.

The producers must be so shallow!

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