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Relocation, Relocation

Phil Spencer and Kirstie Allsopp
  • Posted at 12:49pm
  • 31 January 2008
  • by AlisonGraham-RT
  • 3 comments

The couple in a recent Relocation, Relocation (Wednesdays, 8:00pm, Channel 4) had spent five years - that's FIVE YEARS, remember this, it's important - planning a life change that involved moving from their native Newcastle to Suffolk, with a holiday home in France.

A long time, isn't it? Imagine all of the thought that must have gone into this big move. And surely it goes without saying that a pivotal part of the plan would involve actually visiting the places you aimed to move to? Sensible, don't you think?

But, staggeringly, they hadn't. So this pair - he didn't have a job lined up and his wife was pregnant with their second child - were preparing for a huge upheaval and they hadn't set eyes on the two places they hoped to spend a substantial part of the rest of their lives. Neither did their five years of research reveal that they didn't have a hope in hell of securing the four-bedroomed detached Suffolk home they so desired, for a measly £325,000. Suffolk is expensive, very expensive.

It's at times like these that I feel sorry for Kirstie Allsopp and Phil Spencer, Relocation, Relocation's two property hunters. They must get fed up with pandering to the terminally deluded, not to mention the terminally fussy. Just about everyone they ever try to help moans about gardens not being big enough for their children. But just how much room do children need? Surely enough for a sandpit and maybe a swing. They don't need to roam an area the size of the Serengeti.

There's that other constant moan too, about "it's too close to the road". Well, yes, most houses are quite close to roads, but has no-one heard of a thing called "road safety"? Just because you live close to a road, doesn't automatically mean you're going to get flattened by the first passing Renault Clio.

The final slap in the face for Kirstie and Phil was that the Newcastle pair ended up living in Oxford. Not Suffolk. With no holiday home in France. What a waste of flipping time.

Mind you, they weren't quite as annoying as the couple with nearly £1million to lavish on a gorgeous home in Harrogate and a crash pad in London. They had £214,000 to spend in the capital on somewhere the husband would be laying his head just three nights a week. But dear me, the sneering. After viewing one perfectly serviceable "studio flat" (bedsit) in expensive Kensington, there was much sniffing. "I couldn't spend three nights a week here," he shuddered, as if it were an Abu Ghraib cell. You just can't help some people.

**

Alison Graham is TV editor of Radio Times.

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Comments

  • Posted on 05 February 2008
  • at 4:51pm
  • by Ionaclio

I agree with all you say too although I did not see that particular programme. Do these people simply want the kudos of appearing on TV and have absolutely no intentions of buying anything that is suggested? Bedroom size is important as is an area for children to play in but with daft budgets to fit in with, the presenters must want to give some of the punters a quick slap!

  • Posted on 01 February 2008
  • at 1:37pm
  • by bloke33

I agree too!

That couple started to irritate me in the end. I even remember thinking to myself about how differnt from each other they were, he was after a house with thousands of walls he could knock down and she just wanted piece and a garden the size battersea park. What really shocked me was, I'd missed the beginning of it and didn't actually hear that wife talk for ages, the second she op'nd 'er mouth like i were like why-aye-man, that certainly wasn't something you'd expect to hear out of someone who didn't actually look gordie.

About what you said about that guy after a place in London, hans't he ever heard of the train? He was moaning about driving to the airport to then likely wait several hours to check in to eventually arive at heathrow yet surely it'd be several days faster to take the train? I mean concidering they arnt that far from the East coast mainline which gets you to London very fast and everything...but ah well!

  • Posted on 31 January 2008
  • at 5:26pm
  • by jacq

I agree with so many of the things you say here.

sometimes I wonder if the couples who volunteer to be on this programme aren't just show offs trying to impress the world with their absurd standards (it's not just vast outdoor spaces their children 'need' apparently - they all have to have HUGE bedrooms too) and the money they have to spend.

and oooo that couple who were buying in harrogate - so MISERABLE! Mind you, that bedsit in kensington was a revelation it was so TINY. Still, they'd been in London for 10 years and you think they'd know what they were likely to get for 200, 000 in westminster.

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