Radio Times

At around 7:00pm every Saturday evening, approximately eight million people take leave of their senses, jettison their critical faculties and tune into 90 minutes of unadulterated garbage. Eight million people can't be wrong, surely? Believe me, they can.

The X Factor is lowest-common-denominator television writ large, spawned from the same culture that foisted Katie Price and Peter Andre upon an unsuspecting world: a tired and repetitive format that plays on the aspirations of susceptible no-hopers with limited talent and even less personality, acting out their fantasies on a set with as much visual appeal as an unlanced boil.

Few of the contestants can hold a tune, none of them can dance, and all are "living the dream". Some of the singing is so obviously flat and out of tune as to be, frankly, embarrassing.

This is no talent show: this is a travesty. If you want a proper talent show, then watch a few repeats of Opportunity Knocks. This is a freak show, a cynical marketing exercise masquerading as primetime television in order to manufacture the mythical Christmas number one and generate income through their phone lines.

The whole thing takes mediocrity to another level. Girl bands, boy bands, bland bands. Even the faintly musical Rhydian looks like an android. And Dermot O'Leary is a classic case of the bland leading the bland: a barrow boy with a charisma factor hovering just above zero and less charm than an aphid appears to be hosting ITV's Saturday-night banker. Sonny, you are no Hughie Green!

Call me old-fashioned, but surely something must be wrong with a variety show when the judging is marginally more engaging than the "entertainment", when the performers are merely the support act in what is essentially The Simon Cowell Show, a cheap pantomime with our hero as King Rat, the star of his own entrepreneurial empire. This is vanity television by any other name.

God, how I despise Simon Cowell: a smug, preening, one-dimensional megalomaniac. His adjudicating cohorts are almost likeable in comparison: cloying Sharon Osbourne; vacuous and lachrymose Dannii Minogue; and the lugubrious, over-excitable Louis Walsh. If this is the Bloomsbury set of popular entertainment, heaven help us.

It's all so predictable and artificial - even the emotions are contrived. The faux bickering between the judges is about as convincing as the theatricality of Saturday-afternoon wrestling in the era of Big Daddy, their comments trite at best and about as insightful as Beckham on Bach. Everyone is always "headed for the final" and "deserves to be in this competition". How true. Bring back the clap-o-meter, I say.

And to compound the agony further, The X Factor - the Results shows how to stretch a lame idea into yet another hour of gripping repetition, based on the somewhat torturous premise of enduring for a second time the worst two acts of the evening. Now that's what I call entertainment!

I hate The X Factor. I hate its self-regarding hyperbole and its blatant insincerity. I hate the irritating voiceover and the insipid background music that has all the atmosphere of a ringtone. I hate its cod emotions and its contemptuous manipulation of its adoring public. I hate its venality.

Most of all, though, I hate the fact that it deprives me of my wife and daughter for much of a Saturday evening. Bring on the final.

Is my man blind. I don't think he can watch the show.

Guy's diluded u think.

Really, You are presenting yourself as a very miserable person, in fact 'grumpy old men' springs to mind!!

If you don't like it, then just don't watch it, but to your post verges on being just rude and judgemental. I'm sure that there are people out there that can say television which you personally enjoy isn't very good, but it's all a matter of taste. Television, as with everything else is life should be about personal choice, not about conformity or anything else. With all the channels available now, I really pity you that you feel so bothered by a television show. Do you have nothing better to do with your life than to belittle things which other people enjoy?

You people need to get a life. Change the channel, leave the room, DON'T WATCH IT IF YOU HATE IT!!

Spemz, 13

xxx

yes sometimes i would agree that the show is repetitive. however this is raw talent which hasn't been modified unlike many other artists in the charts at the moment. kind of what you hear and see is what u get. don't you agree?

you say .....

"Few of the contestants can hold a tune, none of them can dance, and all are "living the dream". Some of the singing is so obviously flat and out of tune as to be, frankly, embarrassing. "

"the fastest selling debut album of all time"

- LEONA LEWIS !!!!!!!

i rest my case !

I can stand 1 show, but then to suffer another an hour or so later on. Too much!!

why o why do people keep watching this show if they hate it sooo much?! the people complaining seem to know the show inside out! if you dont like it, dont watch it! let the rest of us 8 million who enjoy it watch it in peace!

no, you will not find greats like john lennon who wrote his own songs etc, because this show is for the people who have not yet been spotted, or who cannot get to perform in places where talent spotters go! i think its a little sad to come on here to complain in length about the show, just turn your tv over!

Absolutely brilliant piece Simon. Good job. I couldn't agree more. I think a lot of people have missed the point of the piece, and this is evident by their response. I don't think anyone is claiming that X-Factor isn't entertaining for people because 8 million people seem to like it. What is clear, however, is that the show is an accurate representation of how sick and twisted reality shows can be. X-Factor are not out to find the next star. X-Factor are out to line their own pockets via advertising revenue. I am a full-time musician living in London, and I can tell you this much; nobody with any decency in the world of music supports or respects either X-Factor, nor the winners they churn out. The show is a fine example of how teenagers are being encouraged to embrace celebrity. What's worse, the show is teaching young people that song writing is no longer necessary, and the least of importance.

What this does to the future of music is a little scary. I am just hoping and praying that shows like X-Factor divide the music lovers from the idiots. Let the idiots be entertained by X-Factor, let the talentless hopefuls have their dreams built up only to have them dashed, and let the music lovers enjoy music written by talented song-writing musicians who are, in terms of talent, streets ahead of anything X-Factor could every dream of finding

you wont see anyone thst sounds like bob dylan,or someone that can write songs like john lennon, its the same old crap(that once you can reach a high note your a great singer) bahhh.. some of the most memorable voice ever would not have a chance on this show. that to me say it all

LOVE THIS REVIEW. YOU HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD

True, the x factor is a place where wannabe pop stars who, for the majority of the time cant really sing appear but once in a while a true star is found. Leona Lewis is the best example.

If you truely hate X Factor, then click on the following facebook group!! Hopefully it catches on....... http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=38616405317

I think it is worth watching just to look at Cheryls stuning looks and fantastic cute smile xx

I love Cheryl xxxxx

If you dont like it. Then why watch it? And how come you know so much about it and waste your time watching it when you dont even like it? Idiot.

It's entertainment for some people, I hate Coronation Street, East Enders and all soaps, we have a choice, turn over or go out, the time people have taken to right this stuff obviously complain about everything. It's also an excape from the real world & Gordon Brown, so what Simon makes money, he had it before he got on Tv.

So what, for a couple of hours on a Saturday night, let people laugh, cry or whatever.

Do you have a remote control....? Change the channel if you hate it so much!

X factor sucks big time it has ruined the music charts with its worthless covers

The Romans had Christians and Lions, the Georgians had cock fighting and bull baiting, we have the X Factor. All of them cruel and utterly deplorable. If you want to work in "showbiz" why don't you get yourself on to a proper course, and work your way up the way the professionals have to. I know someone who danced in a show on a cruise ship for six months to earn her "Equity" ticket, and she has since become a well loved children's presenter. It is possible. Chucking yourself into the fray along with thousands of others in the vague hope that you might get five seconds of telly time and be discovered is just ridiculous. I don't like the way they tape the worst auditions for people to laugh at, that's just nasty. When it gets to the final shows, and each week the judges pass comment, I find that Simon Cowell is the only one who consistently makes good judgement comments based on sound commercial understanding. And let's face it.... the one you have to impress is Simon. There's a strong whiff of factory production about the performances, a good sob story is always standing in the wings, and the entire thing is cheesy and ghastly. Apparently Simon has slammed the Peter Kay record in the press. He would, I would have thought, done better to consider why that record has been hyped into the charts. Could it possibly be that cynicism amongst the wider viewing and purchasing public has finally taken over?

I LOVE THE X FACTOR. How can you say it's bland and boring. Of course the acts are amazingly talented! Theyre appearing on national T.V AND are offered many deals and band ideas as soon as they come of the live shows. Why do you think people sacrifuce their saturday nights to watch this fantastic show?! I'TS WOWWW !!

Oh and btw, I'm 13 =]

X Factor: "Wow I could make some money off of this guy!", "Nevermind the artists that have been pouring their hearts into this for years and years, im way better than them" and "I can cry harder than you".

X FACTOR SUCKS. THE STUPIDITY LEVEL OF THIS SOCIETY IS HARD TO BELIEVE.

The X Factor is great TV and is one of my weekend TV highlights. It's way better than Strictly Come Dancing and the fact that somebody in this country has a great voice and and is a huge star hasn't been discoverd. All that Simon Cowell wants to do is find that star he's done it with Leona and if it wasn't for The X Factor we wouldn't have Steve Brookstein, Shayne Ward, Leona Lewis, Leon Jackson, G4, Chico, Andy Abrahams, Ray Quinn, Ben Mills, Rhydian Roberts and Same Diffrence. It's not just about crap TV it's about discovering somebody with that voice. And Plus Simon Cowell,Sharon Osbourne and Louis Walsh for me make give the entertainment value whereas the singers give me the serious singing. Plus Cheryl is great but i hope from the rumours Dannii is going and Sharon's coming back. The X Factor Is The Best Talent Show Ever and i'm only 15.

Yeah I see where you are coming from, because it is repetitive.. like "No body wants it more than.." Or "As we reach the end of the day, nobody is more nervous than.."

It's so cringey!!!!

But I do like it sometimes. I just find the live shows a little dull.

lol..

xfactor is the biggest load of s**t i have ever seen let a real singer or band be no1 at christmas shallow programe staring shallow people

Anyone here complaining that they lose their families every weekend to the X Factor and similar programs must ask themselves how they came to be married to / parents to these people. Probably because they're addicted to having a life to complain about.

I feel more for the people who have experienced the cattle market audition process, but reality tv is an illusion and this is the way the industry works. The public watch to see the inspired, the appalling and grotesque, and the ones with 'interesting' stories. The majority are average singers, with average looks and no novelty. If all of them were put on the show it would collapse.

Isn't it funny that even though all you people are protesting how much you hate x factor and what a load of mindless nonsense it - You are still talking about it in a blog!

If you don't like it, thats ok, we don't all like the same thing but, why go on about it?

Was this article written in 2007? Sharon Osbourne isn't on the show and Rhydian is probably now working at HMV. If it was, a few updates would have been appreciated.

it is the worst kind of contrived TV - all for the benefit of simon cowell and his business. It makes me ill to see how far we have all sunk - exploiting the gullible and inadequte - yes they turn up but this is supposed to be a talent show not a freak show -

i personally think you have issuses nobody cares about what you think over 6 million so shut up

DANNI FOREVER!

It's one of the worst shows to be commissioned in the history of TV. I actually can not believe people watch it. It's absolutely beyond me how they can find it entertaining. A few stories mentioned just mirror the experience the daughter of my mothers friend, and her pal had. Both good enough voices, but neither got through. Yet, the idiots, and there's no other word for them, did. I remember reading during the week, a person auditioned but he/she thought it was Britain's Got Talent - how can the producers and ITV justify that? It's blatant humiliation. If it was the talented only maybe that would appeal to people but it's not.

In all honesty, I think it's sad that you think the X-factor deprives you of a Saturday evening, TV isn't the only thing to do! Get out and do something instead!!

I have to say that I often find myself watching the X-factor. This is because it is funny stuff! The hopeless acts are hilarious and I'm afraid I have no simpathy for the auditionees because by now they must know what they're in for.

I really like the X Factor!

We know it's a program for greedy people to make money from talentless people watching talentless people, in between commercials. So, turn the TV off and do something else.

I so agree-this is a parody of a "talent show" and showcases the worst morons ever(including the judges). I hate to sound like a cliche but this really does appeal to the lowest common denominator and people really do need to get out more if this is the highlight of their Saturday night!

As someone who loves listening to music I completely agree. I watched Rock Star Supernova and was blown away by the talent and the effort that went into creating a show each week. By comparison this show is looking for people to laugh at each week.

I would have agreed with this column after the first series. Now were on to the nth, i can no longer have pity for the idiot, no talent masses that turn up for the auditions. They know full well what they're letting themselves in for, and now i can enjoy their deluded hopefulness with all my spite... I only watch the first few rounds, when they get on to the real "singers", i just watch reruns of the worst applicants on youtube. Brilliant.

For some reason the 2007 series hooked me, possibly because there were a lot fewer sob stories in the heats and there was some general interest with rejected soloists becoming groups, though they deliberately allowed people with outstanding criminal matters to get to the studio stages and then chucked them out to create drama. As far as I was concerned that was both fake AND unfair on whoever lost out on those two places. If X Factor is all that matters to some kids, then barring those with criminal records of any age might help cut crime, you never know!

This year I said I would record and watch it just to fast forward through the breaks and the sob stories but now that they're trying to tug the heart strings already, I'll come back to it at bootcamp and watch a couple, and then see who makes it to the studio. However, I definitely won't get hooked again.

The X Factor makes me want to punch a hole in my TV. Every single aspect of it is such a blatant lie that it's continually high ratings make me ashamed to be British

I HATE THE XFACTOR!! I AM BEING FORCED TO WATCH IT BY ANDREW AND I WANT TO TOP MYSELF. WHY DO THEY RUN THESE SHOWS!?!?!?! ITS JUST CRAP TV... OH HOW I WANT TO WATCH THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL SO THAT I CAN FIND SOMETHING EDUCATIONAL! SOMEONE HELP ME OR SHOOT ME.

agree,x f crap

I think you're preaching to the converted Simon. Anybody who hates the X-Factor already knows how bad it is and anyone who likes it...well...I'm not sure they'd even have the intellectual capacity to read this column :P.

I enjoyed reading Simons comments, superbly put and 100% correct.

My wife is now Mr. Cowells mistress for the next 300 weeks or however long it takes for the cute, 20 to 25 year old, easily marketable, recovering from a recent tragedy, not the best singer, dancer, personality, performer, public speaker, cute though - to record the much hyped, sickly sweet, dull and ultimately forgettable Christmas Number One.

Then we are safe, until....Dancing on Ice, Strictly Come Dancing, Last Choir Standing, Id do...(Andy Webber BBC 20 week free Advert), Love Island, Im a "desperate" celebrity, Celeb Wife Swap, Jade, Jordan..sorry Katie, Kerry, Lisa Scott someone.........and all the rest of the Parasitic rot which populates our airwaves in search of 25p per text.

Sad really - Tv was an innovator once, its a broken one armed bandit now in a crummy arcade, ultimately it makes the "man" rich and gives nothing in return but an empty romise of something better.

Have a read of Ben Elton's book "Chart Throb". Not only is it very funny, but will open your eyes to what programmes like X-Factor are really all about.

I would never vote again due to the fact that on the last year final I'd tried many many times voting for Rhydian but the line was constantly engaged! It was obviously a fixed show that the true talent won't give a chance to shine. The other thing bothers me was that they made Rhydian into this weird villain, in fact he is a perfect normal young man from a ordinary family. How this world has gone so wrong!!

What about Leona Lewis to all those who say it produces no talent?!

my mum, who 1s 36 auditioned for the london's xfactor. She has singing degrees and has spent many years singing in collage and for weddings.

It was freezing and raining and we had to stand outside for more than three hours, whilst they filmed the show. When we finally got inside, the toilets were packed, so we started to use the men's toilets. We were desperate! lol. Then, we had to wait for more than 10 hours, for a 1 minute audition with not the real judges, but producers, who didn't seem to give out golden tickets for the next round. We heard the girl infrount of us sing, and she was really out of tune, but yet she got through o the next round. My mum sang a song and gave it all she had, but they refused her. Is this fair?

I appeared on the show and made it on TV. I agree completely with the blog and also the comments made about it being fixed. I was asked to do things for the camera which made me very uncomfortable and also had my song changed to the awful 'my heart will go on' - was told that i had to do a female ballad!! Like someone above has mentioned i am also a rock chick!!

The Manchester auditions sound just like the London ones. Three hours outside in the rain, three hours inside waiting to start the auditions, and all the time treated like extras for crowd scenes (the crowd got a bit restless and we were told we should not complain as we had not had to pay to get in !). AND, yes, some judges appeared to say no to everyone they saw regardless of ability. The guy who saw my daughter did not ask her name, watched the people around him while she sang, and did not seem to have any golden tickets in his booth to hand out ! The judge next to him had paperwork and golden tickets, showed interest in the contestants, and was encouraging them. Should OfCom be looking into this?

I too auditoned for x factor this weekend, and can back up everything in the last post. I set off to get to manchester at 5am, que'd outside in the freezing cold from 8 til 11, finally got in old trafford only to sit again in the cold til 5.30pm. Finally got my chance with a judge ( that was a producer and not a "real" judge) and got a big fat no. Now i know i cannot prove my vocal talents online and my music degree means nothing to these people and maybe the cold, my shivering body and chattering teeth slighty effected my singing..but i'm pretty damn sure the o.a.p dressed as elvis who got a golden ticket won't be in my league! ( i shall watch the manchester episode just to see the kind of rubbish they picked for entertainment value). It's purely embarresing and dissapointing to have not even passed this stage and also annoying to have spent the whole day freezing, surrounded by lunatics and people who for some reason had brought their screaming brats!?! only to have 120 seconds with a judge who as in the last post didn't seem to be putting anyone through. So what is the criteria and quota!?! there were only judges at one end seemed to be giving golden tickets out!

I am a rock n roll chick at heart and only did the audition at the request of a few friends who are fans of the show, but i will remain dissheartened, as with all talent competitions, and spread my view that the x factor is the biggest, most fixed rubbish on tv. My only advice, to all the normal, talented, not particularly attention seeking, graffters and learners in the world is don't let it affect performing in future, i for one will be gigging again in my hometown soon and not calling myself x factor loser but x factor champ ( as x factor loser from the last post should) and i thank x factor ltd for only wasting 10 hours of my life and not putting me through to the next round to waste any more of my valuable time!

Cheers and good luck to the muppets!

Boo! I love the X Factor!!

It is so boring.

This programme is so cringe making. I watched it once and never again will I subject my brain to such talentless trivia. Who comes up with with shows like this? You might as well go down tot he pub on Kareoke night.

I'm sure I'd agree with you - had I ever watched the thing! Just as the listings descriptions for Big Brother, I'm A Celebrity, and everything of that ilk, were enough to ensure I steered well clear of the programmes, so it worked for X Factor. And once I began to read articles in my daily paper trying to convince me that what happened in this programme (and those mentioned earlier) was in fact NEWS, so I became more determined to avoid them like the plague. And to make matters worse, it's becoming increasingly difficult to find something to watch on TV that isn't 'reality' related what with the repeats and the 'here's some who weren't quite good enough for the main programme' shows, and the hey! if you liked the British version how about those from the rest of the world!

I can just about tolerate Strictly - for the dresses and the implied message that if even muscle-bound ageing rugby players can be turned into graceful swans, there's hope for you yet you old duffer!

But much much better are the Cranfords, the Oliver Twists, Ballet Shoes etc. The Street (not that Manchester one) was eminently watchable too. And natural history programmes, and history and the Monarchy.

Just about everything that isn't a 'reality' show, really (!)

I watched the X Factor for the first time ever on Saturday and it was as bad as I expected. "Barbie" and "Ken" were so bad, it would have made you cry. I think Ryddian or whatever he is called, had the best voice but to choose Kathryn Jenkins to duet with was a dire mistake. She has a beautiful voice but it was much too operatic for such a show. No doubt the irrepressible Kylie did much to enhance Leon's chances appearing as Catwoman. As a "Strictly" viewer I have to agree that this programme is going down the pan too. The cat fights amongst the judges is too much and they obviously have their favourites right from the start of the series! Moral of this...? I need to get out on a Saturday night!

Totally agree, but why just pick on X Factor, Strictly Come Dancing is just as bad. And as bland as Dermot has become, nothing can compare to how bad Bruce Forysthe is now. Its pitifully unfunny and he gets £400 grand for it.

sadly funny but true. Tv hs gone down the pan.

I hate it too.

Argeed .:-) To make matters worse my school is doing a X factor christmas play X-(

I agree, at the very beginning it was a bunch of normal people, all just wanting to become famous, and there was no gimmicks, not as much bickering, and it was good television. The second one was quite good, bordering on boring sometimes but was a good mix of interesting people. The third one was not as good, but was still entertaining and they chose good song catergories that made it a bit different. This year everything has changed (or should i say.. stayed the same?!) with the similar songs, the same 'sad' and pathetic backgrounds every contestant seems to have make it pityful to watch, besides the out of tune singers with no talent. its even more painful as i live in Leon's town, so i cant go anywhere without pictures of him flooding the shops. I stopped watching it now as i knew from the beginning when they showed the bad auditions, it was going to be a bad one, and boy was i right :)

I couldn't agree more.