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To the Manor Bowen

Laurence and Jackie Llewelyn-Bowen
  • Posted at 1:06pm
  • 09 November 2007
  • by RhodriMarsden-RT
  • 10 comments

It's hard to write about this show without it sounding like an editorial from Socialist Worker. But the tone was set in the first few seconds, when the narrator informed us that, at the behest of his wife, Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen's family and staff were moving from their London town house to a country pile in Gloucestershire. Staff! This immediately conjured up images of scullery maids, nannies, gardeners saying "Right you are, sir", rotund cooks, butlers, bellboys and God knows what else besides.

In fact, it was actually only his wife's personal assistant and her family, but it got things off on the wrong foot. Much of the first few minutes was spent watching the family ponder exactly how posh they were. Laurence's wife, Jackie, proudly claimed to be posher than her husband.

"He comes from a family of Welsh pit ponies," she trilled, her gigantic bosom threatening to single-handedly invade Wales. A few seconds of lazy research on Wikipedia reveals that he actually went to a private school in Dulwich, which is more than can be said for most of the Welsh pit ponies I know (hello, Dai, if you're reading).

Their daughters, Cecile and Hermione, had differing views. Cecile didn't think that they were posh, exactly, but they did have a posh accent. The fact that mummy and daddy had a cool £1.5 million budget to buy a country mansion seemed to have passed her by, but hey, she's only 12. Hermione preferred to just make a noise like a dog and giggle incessantly, which seemed like a pretty measured response to the madness going on around her.

Their London town house, as you might expect considering Laurence's status as a sought-after designer, was lavishly kitted out from top to bottom in luxurious fabrics and several hundredweight of cushions. Having spent countless hours arranging said cushions over a seven-year period, Laurence was understandably miffed at having to move them 120 miles west. "Why does she want two parterres, a grove of orange trees and a ha-ha," he flounced, his persistently flapping cuffs flapping persistently.

Jackie went through the "nerve-racking" process of looking for a house – not buying one, looking for one – and she bought the first thing she saw, whining slightly that £1.3 million plus stamp duty was really at the top of their threshold.

I'd have loved to have seen a picture of all the faces watching Living TV at that particular moment around the UK, faces of people mortgaged to the hilt or struggling to pay the rent, confronted with Jackie's smug and unassailable sense of entitlement – I'm guessing it would look like something painted by Edvard Munch.

Thing is, once again, I could be wrong. There's probably significant data accumulated over decades of research that states that we actually enjoy watching people vastly wealthier than us go about their daily business. Certainly the citizens of Siddington, the village in which the Llewelyn-Bowens have set up their new home, seemed delighted to welcome them.

My own bitterness at my comparative lack of privilege and status seemed to only be shared by a sullen chimney sweep who was hired by Jackie to, well, sweep the chimneys. He looked at her with a loathing bordering on murderous intent. I'm with you, brother.

Next week, we're promised a sequence when a noted psychic arrives in the home, after being hired by Jackie for some pointless reason or other. I won't be watching, lest my blood pressure reach unsustainable levels. Calm, calm.

You can see To the Manor Bowen on Wednesdays at 8:00pm on Living (Sky 112, Virgin 110).

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Comments

  • Posted on 15 November 2009
  • at 7:08pm
  • by rudeboi

brilliant prog, bloody hilarious why everyone hates jlb i dunno she is bloody hilarious

  • Posted on 26 August 2009
  • at 10:42am
  • by sal

Great show. love to pop in for tea when next in England

  • Posted on 06 August 2009
  • at 9:14pm
  • by bettemorgan

love you all llb carry on please

  • Posted on 06 August 2009
  • at 9:13pm
  • by bette morgan

loved the programme, cannot wait to see what happens next

  • Posted on 13 March 2008
  • at 8:27am
  • by Madame Grincheuse

I didn't see the programme but, all my relatives living in Siddington assure me that they were not upset by the filming and find Laurence, his wife and family extremely pleasant and unstuffy. They say that the LB's have settled in well and are very much involved in village life and, also, that the children are (unlike so many others these days) very well mannered

  • Posted on 04 January 2008
  • at 9:23am
  • by PaganPip

I loved it!

I set it up as a series link on the Sky Planner and was disappointed when it finished. I thought the whole thing was very 'tongue in cheek' and clearly so that the the LBs had a video diary of this time and it gave them a way to make a few quid - whcih they were always looking for.

Jackie made me laugh and Hermione is bound to be a comedian and probably lesbian - I loved her too! Bring it on Bowens.

  • Posted on 13 November 2007
  • at 9:01pm
  • by CarsmileSteve

mrs carsmile was very pissed off that living bumped the SEASON FINALE of top chef (american masterchef thingy, with added bitching) for this old pile of nonsense...

  • Posted on 12 November 2007
  • at 9:42am
  • by RhodriMarsden-RT

God, is JLB on more programmes than this one? That's completely passed me by. It can't be right, can it.

  • Posted on 10 November 2007
  • at 4:29pm
  • by liberty

At Last.Someone who shares my views on having to suffer the the infernal whinings of Jackie LB.I to feel my blood pressure rising when listening to her whinge on about not being noticed(as if] and having so much to do. Someone someday will shut her up. Why though do TV producers who must know how irritating she is keep insisting on putting her on more and more programmes.

  • Posted on 09 November 2007
  • at 8:47pm
  • by falhawk

Two parterres and a grove of orange trees. Isn't that a quote from The Draightsman's Contract?

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