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Chop Shop: London Garage

Mechanics working on a car
  • Posted at 11:20am
  • 07 November 2007
  • by RhodriMarsden-RT
  • 4 comments

They say that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit – but I've come up with another theory. The most elementary form of wit can be taught to a child – in fact, a computer could probably regurgitate it without too much trouble. Used to express mild irritation by men over the age of 40, it's usually accompanied by a comical scowl, and takes the form: "I'll xxxxxx YOU, in a minute". Let's just see this in action:

A: Oooh, I could murder a cup of tea. B: I'll murder YOU, in a minute!

A more complex example of the form can threaten to push the boundaries of grammar, and indeed surrealism, but none of the essential meaning is lost:

A: Look! Another squirrel, running up that tree. B: I'll squirrel running up that tree YOU, in a minute!

This construction isn't particularly associated with Oscar Wilde, Dorothy Parker or Groucho Marx. It does, however, crop up several times in the show Chop Shop: London Garage, in which a Bangladeshi car designer called Leepu teams up with a cockney mechanic called Bernie to turn barely functioning, rusty old bangers into gleaming, futuristic vehicles within a three-week time frame.

"I need to cut the roof off," Leepu might say. "I'll cut the roof off YOU, in a minute!" replies Bernie. Leepu doesn't have a roof, of course. He's a bloke. But therein lies the jackbooted subtlety of the gag.

As with many successful double acts, they thrive on needling one another – Bernie by invariably using the turn of phrase I've just explored above, Leepu by making strange animal noises. Leepu has earned the reputation of being eccentric, crazy even, but essentially he just makes animal noises.

We heard the guttural sounds of a tiger more than once in Monday night's new episode, in which a knackered old Jaguar was to be transformed into a cat-like sports car in time to exhibit at the Goodwood Festival of Speed, apparently a highlight of the cars-going-fast calendar.

Oh, I like this programme. My knowledge of cars could be written on an ignition key, but you can't go wrong with a good, old-fashioned race against time. We're persuaded by the programme that this is a real business, that it's dependent on the Goodwood show for its survival – despite that fact that it presumably only exists for the purposes of making a TV series – but in my somnolent, unquestioning state on Monday night, the show did a pretty good job of convincing me.

"It's nowhere near ready," said Bernie, with a frustrated shake of the head. "It's touch and go whether they make it," said the voiceover. Will they? Won't they?

Of course they did. You can't end a programme with a load of blokes sitting under a railway arch in Bethnal Green next to a half-finished car. So, after lots of A-Team-style welding, soldering, slicing and banging, the vehicle – its finishing touches still concealed under a tarpaulin – was transported to Goodwood, and on a sunny afternoon, surrounded by the wealthy and privileged, it was finally revealed on a live broadcast on national radio.

The radio listeners wouldn't have really got the full effect, but we did. It was an astounding piece of craftsmanship, bearing in mind the piece of garbage they'd started with. Yes, I know, Bernie, you'll piece of garbage me in a minute. Fair enough.

New episodes of Chop Shop: London Garage air on Mondays at 10:00pm on Discovery (Sky 520, Virgin 212).

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  • Posted on 20 July 2009
  • at 12:40pm
  • by LauraPledger-RT

FAO chris armstrong - We put your question to a contact at Discovery, who told us that the channel doesn't have a new series commissioned, so there won't be any new episodes in the near future. However, she added that that's not to say it's the last we'll see of Bernie and Leepu…

  • Posted on 20 July 2009
  • at 4:49am
  • by chris armstrong

chop shop is great. all im waiting for is the next serise but there is not much info on this. does anyone know??? thanks all

  • Posted on 19 November 2007
  • at 12:46pm
  • by tellyaddict

I'll start off by saying I like the program, now that’s over with here’s the 'but', but it could be better.

I can understand the producers of the show wanting the program to be a dramatic race against time, thus creating stress, tension, comedy and drama, but three weeks to turn the wreck/corpse of a car into something desirable and safe just isn’t possible as they have proved consistently each week (I will try and qualify these opinions later).

I’m sure many viewers of the show have noticed that the garage crew never work on the interior of the car, i.e. The dash board, fascias, interior car floor seats, sound systems, upholstery etc... The cars are unveiled at ‘grand’ ceremonies with all the windows in place and dark tinted, no one sees the inside of one their creations and with good reason, they haven’t had the time to finish them.

I’m sure many of us have heard of the term ‘cut and shut’, but for those who haven’t here is a short excerpt from ‘AutoExpress’

"Considerable effort goes into the deception – cutting, welding, prepping, spraying, etc – but it is a deception, and there are no guarantees of structural integrity, safety, driveability, high speed handling, braking. It could be a death-trap."

In some of the programmes they have chopped the roof off and moved it around and reattached it or have cannibalised a different roof and attached it to the body, in one episode they chopped off the rear of two cars and welded them together. To prove the car is safe to drive they take their structurally finished car and drive it around hard for maybe a couple of hours. Is this all it takes to prove the car is safe to drive on the road?

For me the cars look sexy from the outside and certainly desirable, but the inside is not just undesirable but scary as well. In the case of the ‘Chop Shop’ cars beauty is certainly only skin deep. That’s possibly why they haven’t sold many of their cars because potential buyers after inspection decide the cars neither desirable nor safe.

One last criticism, because of time constraints they never have enough time to design a nice paint job, it’s usually just one colour all over, but largely due to the design of the shell it turns out okay, but given more time an extravagant design could be added hugely improving the look of the car.

Other than that I think they got everything else right i.e. two loud nutters, other crew with different personalities each of which asserts their own opinions without looking over their shoulders, comic if somewhat contrived confrontations and things that happen outside the shop (er..I could just be describing some other successful show).

I think producers should organise it such that it gives the ‘Chop Shop’ team six weeks rather three weeks for a build. There’ll be more material for the show, the tension and drama is still there because they have to work on the interior, extra time for testing and the final paint design, the end product is a more desirable and safe car. One last suggestion, if there is a second series (which I’m in favour of even without my suggestion for improvement) is to get some car tuning firms to commission a custom car from the ‘Chop Shop’ boys.

  • Posted on 13 November 2007
  • at 2:19pm
  • by fishbonealice

I have to say that though entertaining - the two 'leads' are a great foul-mouthed double act - this programme smells of contrivance. Spend three weeks converting an old banger into a lavish machine and then sell it for only 5 grand! Do the maths: parts alone must come near this, let alone the man hours put in by the staff (of I think 6 men) and general costs of rent etc. As a business this would be frankly impossible.

And those cars. They may look impressive, but what dangers lurk under the shiny skin? It appears that minimal work is done to the mechanical parts, and given the vehicles were scrapped...Well, put it this way, I wouldn't buy one.

Finally, just out of interest, how are they able to drive there creations legally on the highway? In one episode they built a 'wedding' car which they appeared to finish and drive straight onto the highway. Was it tested by the authorities for roadworthiness? Just a thought, but I'd be interested to know.

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