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Why I Love...America's Next Top Model

Tyra Banks
  • Posted at 4:05pm
  • 10 October 2007
  • by ColinCrummy-RT
  • 1 comment

America's Next Top Model gives a whole new meaning to fashion roadkill. It doesn't so much assault the senses as whack you over the head with a heavyweight handbag and beat you into submission.

It is television that shows no mercy; a production that cares neither for its contestants nor its audience but is taking both of you bitches down. It is, in the words of its creator and host Tyra Banks, FIERCE.

Sure, the viewer has a sense of taking part, joining in with the unchanging script each week, repeating Tyra's mantras ("Twelve beautiful girls stand before me…"). But we don't vote in this model contest. We are mere pawns who wouldn't know a supermodel if she slapped us in the gob with her jewel-encrusted mobile phone.

Instead, we bow to the greater wisdom of ANTM as it attacks us from all sides. It dazzles us with the judges. There's Twiggy - introduced each and every week as "living legend and fashion icon", as if the poor dear were about to collapse at any moment. There's "noted fashion photographer", former model and top-notch eye candy Nigel Barker, whose primary task is to make your knees buckle.

The models are only on ANTM to help reinforce a few relentlessly aired home truths. There is always a concern that, as Tyra often says, "a woman of colour" might struggle to get noticed, so a black girl has a bit of a cry about this; there's a moral about being happy with yourself no matter if you are big boned - somewhat undone by the woman from CoverGirl Cosmetics noting that Diana in her size-16 swimsuit might not exactly be "right" for billboard adverts. This latest season, cycle eight, features not one but two "plus-sized models" - a first in ANTM history. Woo hoo!

Subtlety - it's one of ANTM's great strengths that it drives a catwalk through the word. When first broadcast in the US, the eighth series (currently airing on Living) caused a kerfuffle when the would-be models played murder victims for a photo shoot. Because everyone loves a bloodied corpse in Versace, darling.

In cycle seven, the judges assessed Megan's look as "sad". "There's a reason why you're sad, Megan" coaxed Tyra, as "sad" piano music drifted in. "Yes," declared Megan, "my mum died in a plane crash when I was young." Cue close-up of Megan's little sad eyes and cut to judges debating whether or not Eugena's new haircut is working for her. ANTM, you'll note, does not like to dwell.

Happily, whatever your Achilles' heel is, you can be assured Tyra had it first. She may have been America's top model herself once but she too knows the pain of scoffing too many Twinkies. When paparazzi beach shots of her looking a tad lardy emerged earlier this year, Miss Banks took to the catwalk of her daytime talk show in the same unforgiving swimsuit and suggested all those naysayers could "kiss my fat ass". It was classic Tyra, turning everything she touches into PR manna.

This is most evident on ANTM. After 12 weeks of dizzyingly fast scene changes, a winner is declared. This is always Tyra Banks. Everything about ANTM is pitched to remind you how utterly amazing she is. The house where the girls live is covered in Tyra posters. Every pose a girl strikes Tyra has already done. If the girls have to cry for a photo shoot, Tyra shows them how to turn the "I'm thinking of what to pick up at Wal-Mart" face into the "I'm deeply tragic but impossibly beautiful" look. She even sings the theme tune.

Other reality shows try to make stars out of their judges but none do it with such absurd style as America's Next Top Model. By the end of just one episode, you too will be in awe of its creator, muse, poster girl and presenter. You'll be on the floor frankly, and begging for more.

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  • Posted on 21 January 2008
  • at 12:11pm
  • by dianneotherday

Sorry Col, you've not sold this programme to me! But I am ashamed to say I judged it by its title and reviews and haven't wasted energy turning the programme on!

Do you have a blog called 'Why DO people watch this rubbish'?

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