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Why I Love...Dragons' Den

The Dragons' Den business experts
  • Posted at 3:48pm
  • 03 October 2007
  • by NickGriffiths-RT
  • 6 comments

We don't love Dragons' Den because we're a nation of sensitive, nurturing, not-remotely-jealous (no way), kindly philanthropists who come over all warm and squishy when someone who has devoted their life to a nutty invention strikes it lucky with an input of several grand and the chance to work with Peter Jones, who is very tall.

No. It's because we are utter gits.

There are two reasons why we love Dragons' Den: 1) we get to see the inventors squirm and 2) because we all have our favourite and least favourite Dragons, and admire/loathe their little quirks.

The way Theo Paphitis seeks out physical flaws in a product, for instance. Here - with a certain exaggeration - is how it might go: Bill (overweight, shiny suit, grease on chin) is trying to flog his Gooseberry Genius, a suitcase-sized, hi-tech-looking container for keeping gooseberries tidy. Theo wants a closer look.

We see Theo inspecting the Gooseberry Genius, tugging at catches, wrestling with bolts, while the other Dragons continue to quiz Bill. So far, it's holding up to scrutiny.

Theo produces an ice pick from his pocket and starts laying into the invention. Within minutes the Gooseberry Genius is so many shards of metal and broken glass.

Theo levels his gaze at Bill. His mouth is open, incredulous, his eyes say "horrified". He motions towards the wreckage.

Theo: Did you know this could happen?

Bill is lost for words.

Theo: Someone could walk over this and cut their feet open!

Meanwhile, Peter Jones has made up a lame pun (something like: "I'm going to have to blow a raspberry at your Gooseberry Genius"), Deborah Meaden has agreed with Theo, and Duncan Bannatyne is laughing so hard he can barely water-ski straight.

Bill heffalumps back down the spiral staircase, a broken man, to be confronted by BBC economics editor Evan Davis, who looks slightly alien. "Didn't go quite as planned," suggests Evan.

But Bill has another invention up his sleeve, literally: his hara-kiri-matic, a blade that extends with a flick of the wrist. Bill kills himself. A nation chuckles in its armchair.

It's that kind of programme.

How we squirm when an inventor is unable to speak, so terrified are they when confronted with five people in chairs. How we tut when they value their crummy little product at a quarter of a million and are shot down in flames by a Dragon using rudimentary economics and a patronising tone. How dreadfully sadistic we are.

Now, if someone could just invent a machine that makes Jeffrey Archer invisible - that would be worth the investment.

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Post a comment | 6 comments

Comments

  • Posted on 13 December 2007
  • at 2:44pm
  • by wonesy

... and I have utmost respect for all of them successful or not for having the nerve to enter the den.

  • Posted on 13 December 2007
  • at 2:44pm
  • by wonesy

... and I have utmost respect for all of them successful or not for having the nerve to enter the den.

  • Posted on 13 December 2007
  • at 2:43pm
  • by wonesy

I love this show. How so many people arrive through the doors with their (mostly) batty ideas and such incredible self belief I dunno. But it's a cruel but entertaining spectacle and I want more. Despite that it's a relief and kind of interesting when people actually succeed and to see how the minds of these business boffins work

  • Posted on 05 November 2007
  • at 6:49pm
  • by marshy
I want to contradict just slightly. Sorry! I do enjoy seeing people actually get the deal. I think it is a thrill (well, almost!) when someone thrives under the pressure and comes out on top with an investor. I met Levi Roots recently. What surprised me was that a) he told me that the programme approached him, not vice-versa, and b) he never thought he would make money in the way he has done: he was in music for years! So I like surprises!
  • Posted on 15 October 2007
  • at 3:40pm
  • by defenderofthetruth

It's still a mystery how this is called a business program, since it is more about the Ego's of the Dragons and less about the opportunity out there...

You have to question the "deals", since they are all based upon whether or not the person has the Patent (only to find out that people never do) or if the research as been done.. You often see the dragons shamelessly plugging products that they have invested in, which makes you question their motives.

It would be good to see a Patent Attorney or a Market Researcher and how they are grilled about these aspects. Do the Dragons actually know anything about these or are they basing their decisions on gut feelings.

  • Posted on 04 October 2007
  • at 12:45pm
  • by MazY

Oh, the times that I have watched this, hiding my eyes behind my hands, as though that simple move will lessen the pain and embarrassment I feel for some of the inventors.

As for your 'Jeffrey Archer Invisimatic Machine', as Duncan would say, "Just so you know, I'm ooot".

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