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Chatbox

Chatbox on a TV screen
  • Posted at 11:23am
  • 02 October 2007
  • by RhodriMarsden-RT
  • 3 comments

If you're sitting at home and feeling a bit lonely, you can either phone a close friend to get their reassurance that you're probably not the only one, or you can turn on your TV and be presented with cast-iron proof.

Chatbox offers a 24/7 window on the world of the slightly desperate singleton. You're able to flirt with complete strangers via text message, send blurry camera phone pictures of your head to be displayed on the TV, or phone the chatline at 10p a minute to leave uninspired, unenticing descriptions of yourself in the hope that they will eventually lead to a Mills & Boon scenario when they're broadcast a few minutes later. Examples:

"This is Steve in Gwent. I've got the flu. Come and say hello." "North Yorkshire, wife's away, need some adult fun. Thanks." "I've put a casserole in the oven, would anyone like some?" "I'm looking for couples. Couples meaning both of you on the line at the same time. No excuses. I don't care if she's popped out to the shops." "Celtic Susanna is in the house, come across and say hi." "Well hi there, I'm Ben." "I'm Lizzie. That's L, I, Z, Z, I, E. I'm looking for clean conversation." "I'm looking for a kind gentleman, I'm 50 but everyone says I look 36." "Dave. Mature. Derbyshire."

None of these people offered any more information as to their height, weight, prospects, desires, hopes or fears. One bloke simply said, "I'm Mark and I'd like to – " before putting the phone down. If I were a single woman at home, I'm sure I'd be desperate to find out what it is that Mark likes doing. Thatching cottages? Collating data from home-made barometers? Fighting? I was sure I could do a bit better than Mark, so I gave Chatbox a call.

At which point I discovered that the sign-up process is quite sudden and slightly intimidating, so I found myself saying, "Hi, I'm fun and appealing, let's get frisky". I just wasn't thinking straight. After three minutes of listening to various people – mainly from Kent, for some reason – who had just got home from work and felt the urge to inform me of the fact, I had a message! Exciting.

"Hello," said a woman in a rather grating voice, "I need to find out what it is about you that is appealing, can you please let me know." At this point my girlfriend came back from the shops, so I quickly hung up. But who knows what magical relationship might have been about to blossom?

Of course it's easy to laugh at people's ham-fisted chat-up lines – for instance Alan, who made it very clear that he wanted to chat to "vibrant ladies". But people just don't use their imagination. With a Chatbox ban on saucy language, you hear the phrase "I'd like to chat, and who knows, maybe more" more often than you would believe. You never hear "I'd like to chat, and who knows, maybe restore some antique furniture".

After about 30 minutes, it stops being the fun park, the pleasure zone, the thrill-palace that the sexy automated voice on the telephone would have you believe. It's basically a few hundred people who are feeling quite sorry for themselves. But you can't blame those behind Chatbox for not calling it GlumChat or Sorrowbox. They've got to make a living, after all.

You can find Chatbox's never-ending procession of potential beaus on Sky channel 874.

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Comments

  • Posted on 04 October 2007
  • at 4:37pm
  • by MazY

Get in touch. We can discuss bizarre programmes on television, and who knows, maybe more? No Club 18-30 reps looking to fill their Skegness spots!

  • Posted on 02 October 2007
  • at 1:15pm
  • by robsoft

To me, this is REAL reality tv (sorry for the crap phrase).

I'd be much more interested in this than watching a roomful of zany, overly extrovert wannabies cavourting with each other in that tabloid-knowing way that they have. If I wanted to watch a dozen brainless morons swear and shaft their way through a few pointless weeks of their empty lives, I'd go looking for something called 'It's a tedious wannabe knockout' (or similar). Or I'd just go on a Club 18-30 holiday to Skegness in late October, etc.

The concept of a bored-sounding, slightly desperate Dave from Solihull phoning in to ask if anyone wants to go the pictures next Friday - well, that seems a lot more like real-life to me. Especially if he gets a bite, but then fails to land the fish when he and his caller fail to agree on which film to watch.

There should be follow-ups to this kind of programme, I reckon.

  • Posted on 02 October 2007
  • at 12:41pm
  • by marysiak

There's a part of me that thinks if Chatbox were actually a box, into which we could just lock all the people that are using it and throw away the key - that wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing. Of course we'd accidentally get a few cable tv reviewers and bored university students as well, but sometimes the few must be sacrificed for the sake of the many.

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