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Chris Needs's Friendly Garden

Chris Needs
  • Posted at 11:45am
  • 21 September 2007
  • by RhodriMarsden-RT
  • 6 comments

I've got a hundred radio stations on my Sky box, and I frequently get exasperated by TV programmes treating me like a child. When this happens, I find solace in Chris Needs's late-night phone-in show on BBC Radio Wales.

Because Chris, you see, treats me like an elderly woman. That's because his audience mainly consists of elderly women. The three-hour show is called, improbably, the Friendly Garden, and kicks off with a presumably self-penned tune which begins:

"In the garden, in the garden That's where I meet my special friends Where fun begins and never ends"

But as the "garden" is full of "special friends" over the age of 65, it's like a packed doctor's waiting room. You're never more than ten minutes away from someone ringing in with details of their tracheoscopy, with the singsong cadences of the Welsh accent somehow masking all emotion and creating deadpan humour in the process. "Hello Chris," said one of Wednesday's callers, matter-of-factly, "my sister's currently undergoing hyperbaric oxygen treatment."

Plenty of listeners ring to reminisce about their gallstones as if they were childhood friends, and you regularly hear calls along the lines of: "Chris, do you remember me telling you about Phyllis from Llansamlet? Died last Thursday".

Chris, a veteran broadcaster and Welsh through and through, manages to show just the right amount of sympathy by deploying three words. 1: Never. (Meaning "I don't believe it".) 2. Innit. (Meaning "I agree".) 3. Tidy. (Meaning "Excellent".) This, along with his various guttural noises of disgust or appreciation, can make conversations unintelligible for anyone who wasn't born within a 40-mile radius of Abergavenny. See what I mean?

But the Friendly Garden isn't just a show – it's a club, too. To join, you just tell Chris that you'd like to be in the garden. This leads to surreal exchanges where Chris will ask a caller if they're in the garden, and they'll reply, "No, but you know my sister-in-law, Sylvia from Brynmawr? She's in the garden." For first-time listeners unfamiliar with the concept of the Friendly Garden, this can sound like some sinister masonic code.

Elsie from Weston-super-Mare was keen to get in the garden on Wednesday, and Chris was happy to help. "All right," he said, fumbling for the club membership list, "here's your number: 24627." "And can my dog Muffin go in the garden?" "Of course... here you are: number A6647." "What do I do with these numbers, now, Chris?" asked Elsie. "Well, nothing, really," said Chris with disarming honesty, "just, er, keep them safe."

Cable, satellite and the internet have lent the Friendly Garden an international dimension. Listeners from as far away as Vermont, Melbourne and Shanghai call to share the results of their blood test, or get nostalgic about the old days when they wouldn't ring a local radio presenter to share the results of their blood test.

These people aren't drawn by the music policy (Elvis, Shirley Bassey and disco classics, in case you were wondering) but by this sense of community that Chris Needs has somehow constructed from a small Cardiff studio. His listeners genuinely depend on him.

"You'd be surprised what this show does for people, Chris," said Anne from Nant-y-moel the other night. And if there's a better definition of public-service broadcasting than reassuring Betty from Ystradmynach about her imminent bypass surgery, I'd certainly like to hear it. Tidy.

You can hear Chris Needs from Monday to Friday at 10:00pm on BBC Radio Wales (Sky 0117, Virgin 931).

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Comments

  • Posted on 09 October 2009
  • at 5:56pm
  • by ezra

I'm a shift worker and when your driving home on your own in the dark and rain of west Wales Chris and the garden realy lift your spirits and make you feel part of something more. It's probably a Welsh thing, community, friendship in adversity and finding an ear to hear any story no matter how strange or sad. Probably doesn't come across in english very well.

  • Posted on 07 August 2008
  • at 10:28am
  • by KevTheBaldRanger

I agree Jacko... totally! - If some pathetic sad act only draws up a report from hearing one days air-time (wednesday as they keep pointing out!) then they need to phone the Friendly Garden to have their emotions pulled out of their backsides as they obviously do not have any. Not only that... Chris is an MBE... so obviously the right people are listening to his show! Im 29 and i love the Friendly Garden.

  • Posted on 06 August 2008
  • at 10:40pm
  • by jacko

This whole negative report is a bit off the charts and totally not needed, both Chris's Show and Charity work both helps and entertains people. You may like his radio show format and music, you may not. I just find it rather sad that you've spent a considerable amount of time writing this rubbish, seriously, if you dont like it, turn it off. Do your self a favour and get your a hobby,or even proper job.

  • Posted on 16 July 2008
  • at 10:52am
  • by Ide Was Purple

Just wondering if the same old faces are still about. Anyone have a recipe for plum jam?

  • Posted on 05 March 2008
  • at 11:47pm
  • by friendlywelshdragon

These people aren't drawn by the music policy (Elvis, Shirley Bassey and disco classics, in case you were wondering.I just found this. I would like to add that Chris also plays a good deal of operatic music from Welsh artists Bruce Anderson http://www.bruceanderson-thesinger.co.uk/ and Mandy Starr. http://www.myspace.com/mandystarrmusicHis programme has something for almost everyone

  • Posted on 21 September 2007
  • at 1:03pm
  • by marysiak

I find this all unbearably sweet and plan to never listen to it for my own sanity.

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