Radio Times

I was busy frittering my life away playing online Scrabble when my girlfriend called from the next room. "Rhodri, quick," she shouted. "I think you should see this." She was transfixed by a programme called Le Breton Gourmand which, as all good GCSE French students will already have written neatly in their exercise books, celebrates the cuisine of north-western France.

"So what," I hear you exclaim, "there's nothing intrinsically fascinating about a plate of cabillaud aux haricots blancs." And you'd be right, as well as being a bit full of yourself. But as this show is in French, it's overdubbed by French actors who recite a terrifyingly literal and hilariously deadpan English translation of the conversations between the presenter, Yvan Cadiou, and the featured chef of each episode.

This transforms otherwise mundane exchanges about beurre blanc or snails into incredible carnivals of language. When they go out on a boat to catch a lobster, Yvan doesn't say, "Oh look, great, we've got one”. Well, he might do, but what we actually hear is, "Ah, it has crept out of its bathroom, so let us envelope it in a towel".

And it's not just the translations, it's also the actors' gorgeously misplaced cadences that turn the simple act of going to a market to buy mushrooms and shellfish into an unintentional comedy routine. The dubbing is clearly done in one very swift take, so occasionally the translations might be misread ("sock" for "stock" is a good one), rush ahead, or indeed lag alarmingly behind the on-screen action. And, best of all, if a woman crops up on screen, they don't bother getting a female actor in to voice her, they just get one of the male actors to do it. In a high voice.

This show is one of the mainstays of the channel it appears on, Wine TV, so there is no shortage of episodes – in fact, my Sky+ box is so full of them that I barely have any space on it to record anything else. And I'm watching Le Breton Gourmand so often that I barely have time to wash, cook, clean, or call my mother. Sorry, mum.

But please believe me when I say that I'm not laughing at Johnny Foreigner's stumbling attempts at English. I adore this programme. I salute everyone involved in making it. It's the same delight you feel when a Japanese hotel invites you to "take advantage of the chambermaid." I embrace our linguistic differences – and I'm perfectly happy to be laughed at when I go to Portugal and accidentally ask a waiter to remove my underwear.

No description of Le Breton Gourmand could possibly do it justice, so I beg you to check out this convenient clip of the show, a seven-minute instructional video on how to prepare an entrée of fine celery and crabs. And, if that's not enough for you, feel free to follow it up with this fantastic guide to the cuisine of Rennes, which concludes with this memorable piece of dialogue:

A: I want to seee you sweat.
B: It's not an inferno, but a paradise here.
A: Leave the lid like this, and open the oven door.
B: It's very good that I have muscles.
A: A piece of butter.
B: [unintelligible] here in Brittany.
A: Exactly. How rough.
B: How rough, nice boy.
A: Frankly said, not bad.

I couldn't have put it better myself.

Le Breton Gourmand is on every four hours or so on Wine TV, Sky channel 275.

Le Breton Gourmand is the best programme on TV - I thought it was only me who liked it. And the food is good too - but that's not the real point of it.

hie i 'm the breton gourmand !, and it's cool that this really awfull translation turns out to be a funny thing ! i love uk and it helps me .... beeing known..in the most unexpected way! my beginnings on tv where in london in 1998 til 2000 with ready study cook..food and drinks...ON BBC... and really good food on yorkshire tv....i'd be greatfull if anyone would have recordings of those programs.. i love brittish sense of humour....and this really bad piece of translation could get me an entry for comic strips ! don't hesitate in supporting a cool frenchman who loves happy mood...and i've no problems looking upon myself with a cool approach.... as the brittish comedians do with such talent it's a unique oppotunity to be seen by the brittish public....since the producer of this tv sery never told me i was on the wine network.... i'm glad to find out about this very funny translation...considering i'm more of a loud and excentric character .....with, in this case , a very suttle way of talking..... don't hesitate in advertising my comments and have a look on my web site yvancadiou.com you can see some of my short programs on a website called champion.....the click on ATELIER to view those programs filmed in my workshop in marseille i never know....destiny might help me to find a great producer in uk .... my carreer in france and abroad is just about taking off now after 12 years of hardship.... and 10 years after i started on uk networks.... i'd love to be seen by the brittish public with some cool programs ... and i'm not arrogant and full of myself like some of my french compatriots !!!...I WAS TRAINED ON BRITTISH TV ... and proud of it .... it helped me not to be full of myself !!...AND JUST A GOOD CHEF ENTERTAINER..... with close to 200 shows achieved so far.... so i'm glad some of the people who supported me 10 years ago in uk can see i'm still around ... to be on the world circuit in the coming years !...TO MAKE THE BRITTS PROUD THAT A FRENCHMAN who learnt his chef entertainer's trade in london thanks them for all the great things i learnt !! good bless the britts for their unic sense of humour see you soon... and may be i could come to relief jamie oliver for all his work.... in france ... people who know me well , compare me to jamie ....but the french tv is to conservetive !..... the way i look know is with 20 pounds less than the "breton gourmand" shot 6 years ago... and i'm not in my real style in that sery ....wich was sold in many countries.... i know have the chance to do things my way... cool and sexy ! ...THATS MY APPROACH;;we must , in france , make food and cooking... freestyle , fun and most of all lighter, not so stuffy !!..... with gays who believe we are the best....that is just nonsense....JAMIE HAS OPEN the door for passionate french cook like me to become what i always wanted to be ... just a cool chef who wants to share happy moments for entertaining !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! voila ! c'est cool.. a bientot ! que le bonheur soit avec vous mes amis anglais good bless you .... i believe in good food and happy people !! au revoir !

Frankly said, not bad.

Great post Rhodri, you are very funny!