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The Best...Simpsons character

Ralph Wiggum
  • Posted at 5:13am
  • 15 March 2007
  • by NickGriffiths-RT
  • 13 comments

Talk about being spoilt for choice. Trying to choose the best Simpsons character is rather like being punted on a gondola past a parade of very sexy people, colourful iced cakes, several pots of cash, holiday vouchers, a dolphin that talks, David Bowie's house keys and an arrest warrant for Noel Edmonds, and being asked to pick just one. Where does one even start?

Let's take it methodically.

First, the main characters are out. Logistically, they have to be. How on earth, for instance, could you choose between Bart and Homer? They're so very different, yet equally brilliant. And because they hog the action and the one-liners, you take them for granted. Rightly so. It's the Simpsons writers' duty to make the show's stars utterly hilarious and to expect nothing in return (besides pay, reasonable working conditions and maybe some health insurance, but it's Matt Groening's job to square those, not yours).

It's the random gems that delight the most. Those minor characters who appear only occasionally to offer something approaching genius - like a fortune-telling fish in a cracker - who then disappear back into Springfield's underbelly as if nothing had just happened to make our lives feel briefly enviable - they're the ones.

I always loved Professor Frink. With the glasses and the teeth and the talking gibberish and the inventing of the machines that Homer buys at the boot fair then turning the boy into the half-fly creature and the swatting and the loathing and the overuse of the word "the". But he seems to be doing that less frequently as time wears on, becoming more understandable, which can only be classed as a disappointment.

There's always Cletus, the excessive redneck. ("Someone done stoled ma wheels!") But we can get more stupid than that, and here's a fact: asinine is comedy gold. Think Father Dougal from Father Ted, Baldrick from Blackadder, Manuel from Fawlty Towers.

So the best Simpsons character? Come on, it has to be?

"Me fail English? That's unpossible."

"Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!"

"Mrs Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and then the baby looked at me."

Yes, Ralph Wiggum, son of the man who is to police-chiefing what doggy do is to landscape gardening. Ralph is so stupid, if you put a shovel and a fork against a shed and told him to take his pick, he'd run the other way shouting, "My head feels squishy!"

He's so braindead yet lovable, with his wide eyes and their blank glare, standing there like a benign Hannibal Lecter. Every time he appears, you will him to utter something inane. And then he does?

Bliss.

Bliss.

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Comments

  • Posted on 22 February 2008
  • at 1:47pm
  • by noodleet

"my name is otto, i looove to get blotto"

  • Posted on 22 February 2008
  • at 12:22pm
  • by jonbob75

Lenny and Carl all the way....

At the Chili cook-off, Homer brandishes his homemade wooden chilli spoon: Lenny (in awe): "They say he carved it himself.... from a BIGGER spoon...."

Lenny: "Pick Me, I'm Lenny!" Carl: "Pick Me! I'm Urban Lenny!"

Carl: "I got hexed by a troll and a leprechaun fixed it right up" Lenny: "Hey you know what's even better is Jesus. He's like.. 6 leprechauns"

  • Posted on 26 November 2007
  • at 9:02pm
  • by crowcity

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  • Posted on 13 August 2007
  • at 5:07pm
  • by Guest100

For me it has to be Lionel Hutz, voiced by the late Phil Hartman. "You also get this smoking monkey!"

  • Posted on 13 August 2007
  • at 5:07pm
  • by Guest100

The funniest character - or rather characters - are blatantly eddie and lou, the two police guys. every time they open their mouths they say something hilarious. Chief wiggum's pretty good too.

  • Posted on 13 August 2007
  • at 5:06pm
  • by Guest100

No no no! It HAS to be DISCO STU! The guys too cool for school! "....Disco Stu doesn't advertise!"

  • Posted on 13 August 2007
  • at 5:06pm
  • by Guest100

I think Lennie is the best: 'My docor said not to get pudding in my eye.' You can guess the rest.

  • Posted on 13 August 2007
  • at 5:06pm
  • by Guest100

My favourite is Apu Nahasapeemapetilon for the simple reason that he once sang the words "Marge with hair by Frank Lloyd Wright", he's also a great social commentator.

I would also like to give special commendation to the newsreader Kent Brockman (I like to think he's someone at Fox News), Bus driver Otto and Snake Jailbird for the way he says "Shoshanna".

  • Posted on 28 March 2007
  • at 3:49pm
  • by Guest100

An interesting debate. As I said at the top of the piece, "Trying to choose the best Simpsons character etc etc." But I have to take issue with Affy - what exactly is a "real fan" of the show? Is it a reference to me being made of papier mache and pipe cleaners?

  • Posted on 28 March 2007
  • at 3:48pm
  • by Guest100

ralph doesn't come anywhere near the top of the pile of simpsons characters for real fans of the show. in fact he's mostly rubbish. top 5: burns skinner hutz moe lenny

  • Posted on 28 March 2007
  • at 3:47pm
  • by Guest100

Surely it has to be Hank Scorpio!: [Talking to Homer, interupted by telephone:] 'Yes?....When?....How much?....Ok i'll be right over.' [Puts telephone down, agitated:] 'Excuse me Homer....I've got some urgent business to attend to....someone ate part of my lunch.'

  • Posted on 28 March 2007
  • at 3:46pm
  • by Guest100

It's got to be Homer, every UK man is turning into him! Doh!

  • Posted on 28 March 2007
  • at 3:46pm
  • by Guest100

Fat Tony gets me everytime: Lou - I thought you said Troy McLure was dead Fat Tony - No, what I said is he sleeps with the fishes, you see... Lou - Tony, no.... Also for the pretzel episode, where he does Homer a 'favour' then when he goes to collect, homer says: 'you only did a favour cause you expected something in return, shame on you tony, I shall speak no more about this'. Tony walks outside, shamed, then realises 'Hey!'. Honourable mention to lionel hutz - "what is truth, if you follow", "this sounds like just the case i need to rebuild my shattered practice" and Lionel Hutz vs the national council of churches "oh that thing!" - and Mr Burns - "Smithers have the rolling stones killed!", "Continue the research!" after releasing the wizard of oz monkeys, "It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times, Stupid monkey!"

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