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The Best...commentator

Sid Waddell
  • Posted at 5:13am
  • 15 March 2007
  • by DavidWhitehouse-RT

Some people sound as though they learnt the English language on the planet Mars. Christopher Walken, say. Or David Bowie.

Sid Waddell, the voice of darts, appears to have overheard a snippet of a conversation between Walken and Bowie, then invented the rest himself. He is unrestricted by the laws of syntax and holds scant regard for the ways of the mother tongue. Sid Waddell isn't just a commentary icon, he's a poet.

Football had Kenneth Wolstenholme, snooker "Whispering" Ted Lowe, but it's darts that has pulled the otherwise humdrum world of commentary into hitherto unheard-of levels of brilliance.

Since 1978, Sid Waddell has been taking a viewing experience - fat men throwing arrows (which technically should be about as exciting as individually naming every last hair on your head) - and, through his ability to maul the English language beyond the comprehension of rational thought, conjuring an event of seemingly gladiatorial stature.

He combines mixed metaphor with vague historical references, pop culture with nonsense, and gibberish with encyclopaedic accuracy; all with little respect for the conventions of television.

One night in 1985, while commentating on the Darts World Championships for the BBC, he was summoned to the office of the programme's producer, who had taken umbrage with what he believed to be Sid's inappropriate commentary for the television audience. Specifically he was referring to a moment earlier that day when, during an otherwise unmemorable qualifying match, Sid had name-checked Moses, Ivanhoe and Rod Stewart all in the space of five minutes.

However, all was not lost. Sid then received a call from the big cheeses at the BBC informing him that they loved his style, and ordering his producer to let him have totally free reign.

An inspired wordsmith (let's not forget the classics "Under that heart of stone beat muscles of pure flint", "If Cliff [Lazarenko] gets back in this, it will be the greatest comeback since Lazarus", and the legendary "The atmosphere here is a cross between the Munich Beer Festival and the Colosseum at Rome when there were Christians on the menu"), Sid also wrote two brilliant children's TV comedies, Jossy's Giants and Sloggers.

An inspired wordsmith (let's not forget the classics "Under that heart of stone beat muscles of pure flint", "If Cliff [Lazarenko] gets back in this, it will be the greatest comeback since Lazarus", and the legendary "The atmosphere here is a cross between the Munich Beer Festival and the Colosseum at Rome when there were Christians on the menu"), Sid also wrote two brilliant children's TV comedies, Jossy's Giants and Sloggers.

Mr Waddell, gentleman, scholar and the Shakespeare of pub sports, you're the best. It's only right that you should have the final say:

"Only one word for that. Magic darts."

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