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The Best...British talk-show host

Jeremy Kyle with audience
  • Posted at 5:13am
  • 15 March 2007
  • by KateCoffey-RT
  • 2 comments

Along with fast food and plastic surgery, one of the least palatable American exports we have embraced in Britain has to be the "talk show". When did we loosen our stiff upper lip to flaunt such grave dilemmas as "I'm 68 and love my teenage Albanian lover" on live TV?

The worst part of the whole debacle is the role of the talk-show host. A kind of drive-thru pseudo therapist who espouses clichés, solicits inane audience questions, and wields the ever-present threat of the "lie detector test" as proof of their moral guru-like status. They even name the show after themselves, as if this underlines their boundless wisdom: "Vanessa"?"Kilroy"?"Trisha"? I've seen more wisdom written on a tin of spam.

That is until I pulled my last sickie and saw Jeremy "Jezza" Kyle in action, verbally pummelling a teen truant who declared that when he grew up, he wanted to be a drug dealer just like his dad. By the end of it, somewhat dazed, the boy was considering crossing the school gates once more.

I was hooked. At last here was a host whose zealous, take-no-prisoners approach seemed genuinely effective. Moreover, he rightly implied that if his guests were (a) stupid enough to be in this mess and (b) had chosen to parade it on national TV, they needed a kick up the arse, not a slap on the wrist.

How can I extol Jeremy? Consider, if you will, his inferiors to date:

* In final place there's Kilroy. He of orange face, dodgy political views and unintelligible accent; a bit like the embarrassing uncle you avoid at weddings. Kilroy's sole tactic was to clamber over his guests until he found one he could ramble into submission, either smothering those who contradicted him, or whisking the mic away from them mid-sentence. To sum up (in the words of Blackadder): "He's mad! He's madder than Mad Jack McMad!"

* Then we have Vanessa. In the familial template she's the domineering, histrionic aunt who smells of fortified perfume and interrogates you about your sex life over Sunday lunch. To sum up: a woman measuring so high on the dysfunctional Richter scale, it's debatable whether she and her "guests" should have actually swapped places.

* Trisha is like a boring mum, bless her. You'd tell her anything just to stop her whingeing on at you to do your homework or clean your bedroom. In desperation you'd promise to do both at once, then go upstairs and smoke a fag out of the window, texting your boyfriend to arrange a midnight tryst. To sum up: nice but ineffectual.

Faced with these dire options, who else are you going to turn to for advice but Jeremy? An everydad doling out tough love for all and sundry. If you rattle his moral cage (woe betide his major bugbear "benefit scroungers"), expect a right royal rollicking - but it's only because you're an idle so-and-so and you can do better. All done with a wink that makes housewives' knees melt. To sum up: spit out your gum and stand up straight - your fresh start awaits.

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  • Posted on 12 October 2009
  • at 10:00am
  • by Stephen

"i would rather sign off than work at this type of job"

and that's EXACTLY the problem with society in the UK these days…

  • Posted on 08 September 2009
  • at 2:55pm
  • by ALLAN

I dont like jeremy kyle in my opinion he is nothing but a bully always telling guests to get a job if they are unemployed i wonder if they decalred to the jobcentre they were going on the jeremy kyle show because if not they leave themselves open to benefit sanctions because when they are at the tv studio they are not actively seeking work therefore are breaking the rules for claiming benefit i also wonder how many of the audience are also unemployed and claiming jsa the producers should send a list of everyone in the audience and the"GUESTS" to the jobcentre so a check can be made to see if any of the names match with claimants and if so invite them for interview and to explain why they were at the tv studio and therefore not actively seeking work.

strangely enough a jk follow up programme jk managed to get two people a job strange how the only jobs he could find were kitchen porters jobs one of the lowest bottom of the market jobs going they work you from 10am til midnight seven days a week for min wage i would rather sign off than work at this type of job and incase you are wondering iam in employment part time and therefore do not claim jsa

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