Nadine Dorries MP on I'm a Celebrity? She's just another Tommy Cannon

After all the press coverage and controversy, the public made the politician feel right at home... by treating her to a big fat slice of apathy, says Tim Glanfield

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Tim Glanfield
Tim Glanfield
Tim Glanfield
Nadine Dorries MP on I'm a Celebrity? She's just another Tommy Cannon

Nadine Dorries was right: she was the first one to be voted out of the camp.  As a politician in the 21st Century, not even eating camel toe and a ram's knacker is enough to get the public voting for you, it seems. What a terrible shame.

Dorries joins an exclusive club of I'm a Celeb first-hurdle fallers that includes Tommy from Cannon and Ball, radio DJ Mike Read and TV paranormalist Uri Geller.

But Dorries was in I'm A Celebrity to do far more than just raise her own profile and secure endorsement deals with high-street frozen-food chains (the main reason most D-listers visit Ant and Dec's woodland paradise). Nadine was on a deeply patronising mission to take politics to the people.  She is so committed to engaging the masses, she was willing to climb down into the reality television gutter in order to understand why "more people vote in X Factor than in elections". 

It's a shame if this phenomenon was the sole reason Dorries applied for I'm a Celeb, what with it not actually being true at all. In 2010, the general election turnout was 29,691,380. The same year's X Factor got a total of 15,448,019 votes, which of course includes some people ringing in repeatedly. 

Moving on from that, what have we learned from the short time we've been privileged to spend with her?

"I don't know what you put in the edit - but I had some fascinating conversations in there," said Dorries as she left the camp.  We'll have to take her word for it, because as viewers we have seen no mention of 20-week abortion limits, Boris Johnson's chances of becoming PM or protests against Mid Bedfordshire lap-dancing clubs. We never were going to, because stuff like that is not what you want when you're sitting down to ITV1 after a hard day's work.

It appears Nadine's mission largely failed. One can only conclude one of two things: Dorries was rather naive if she truly thought the Celeb producers would include campfire party-political chat in between scenes of bikini babes under the waterfall and someone putting their head in a bucket of cockroaches; or she knew the politics was going get cut, but wanted to give her personal profile a boost. It's difficult to decide which of these options is better when discussing an elected Member of Parliament.

Nadine says she came in with a sense of self-importance, but that she learned from her experience: "I haven't got that any more," she told the Geordie duo last night.  She also claims she was pivotal in solving Helen Flanagan's confidence issues - so maybe it wasn't constituents' time and taxpayers' money wasted after all? This was a kind of public therapy for Nadine - and her soap-star friend. It helped us to recognise that politicians are human too: they do normal stuff like eat bugs and sleep in hammocks round a campfire.

Unwittingly, though, it does feel like Nadine did provide closure in one area during her stay - why some people, particularly younger ones, would rather vote for reality TV programmes than in elections.

The simple answer is that those who raise their heads above the parapet are instantly accountable and can be decisively dealt with by the "electorate".

In Westminster elections you have to wait five years for your chance to hold accountable those who’ve let you down - and even then you don’t get to dunk them in ostrich sh*t or force them to eat dead spiders.  Nope: you just send them on their way to a life as a consultant or upstairs to the Lords. Where’s the justice in that

However, it is even more depressing for Dorries than she might think, because it was not even an angry anti-politician vote that got rid of her: it was apathy. People vote to save their favourites, not punish the pantomime villains. This was not a vote against politics; it was a vote for Eric Bristow and that attractive ex-Pussycat Doll.  

People care so little, they can't even be bothered to hate politicians any more - look at the way I'm a Celeb viewers would rather torment (through Bushtucker Trials) a silly soap star like Helen Flanagan than a mouthy Tory MP.

So as she settles into "work" as a Member of Parliament again from a hotel room in Australia and comes to terms with being the eleventh most popular "celebrity" this year, there's only one fair way to summarise Nadine Dorries's much talked about jungle experience - whatever she may argue, to the people, she's just another Tommy Cannon.

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