Hollyoaks: sponsored by the Nikon Coolpix
6:32pm Are these the credits to Hollyoaks or The Only Way Is Essex?
Tony's still in it... He's the Ken Barlow of Chester.
6:37pm Starting to recognise a few of these people. This one once had a pink asymmetric haircut, I seem to recall. Nancy. She's hoping to get "that job as an online blogger". Those middle-aged writers are in touch with the modern world, all right.
6:39pm Uh-oh. That young couple weren’t supposed to be staying in this man’s mobile home, were they? Cue an escaping-in-your-pants scene. Always fun.
6:41pm Who is this evil moustachioed chap, then? He is clearly dangerous as he speaks slowly and in a whisper and deletes text messages without so much as a thought! But is he supposed to be Irish or American? I just can't tell. His accent flits back and forth. The whispering doesn’t help.
6:55pm Closing credits, already? I think I might have accidentally gone on Twitter for ten minutes. Sorry, highly unprofessional. I risk invalidating the experiment if I’m not careful.
Verdict: Well, it wasn’t gripping. To be honest, I feel like I probably have the same problem with Hollyoaks now as I always had – I’m not interested in any of the annoying, one-dimensional characters. Except maybe the moustache guy.