I do not live a glamorous existence, but on Tuesday I attended the "world premiere" of The Inbetweeners Movie.
The reason I accepted the invitation was because Entertainment, the distributor of the movie, are notorious for not putting on advance screenings for critics and journalists, and I needed to see the film in order to review it.
They had very cleverly scheduled the premiere for the day before the film's release, so that even critics attending the glitzy red-carpet screening in London's Leicester Square would have very little time in which to get between the film and its potential audience.
They needn't have worried. In fact, as ever, when a film company proves reluctant to screen their film in advance, critical suspicions are raised that it's going to be a dud. It isn't.
There isn't much to say beyond this: if you like the E4 comedy series of which it's an extension, you'll like the film. Certainly, those young women squashed up against the barriers outside the cinema, squealing at the four young-ish actors who play Will, Simon, Jay and Neil - many of whom had been camped out all day - will have been first in the queue on Wednesday.
But this is not a film that sets out to convert unbelievers. If you find the TV show puerile and filthy, you will find the film doubly so!
I bring all this up only to say that - yes! - I walked down a red carpet on Tuesday night. This is a horrible experience unless you are an instantly recognisable celebrity, or accompanied by an instantly recognisable celebrity. I was neither, and had to do the walk of shame. I mean, let's face it, at a huge premiere (and it was shown on multiple screens simultaneously), only about 2 per cent of the people walking down the carpet will be famous. Most of us are just going along to see the film.
As teenyboppers scream, bulbs flash and photographers and reporters shout out instructions ("Look this way! Stand closer together!"), your job is just to keep your head down, wave your invite like a shield and get the hell inside the lobby doors.
You'll be glad to know that nobody shouted out my name, or misidentified me as the comedian Mark Steel, and only minimum embarrassment resulted.
You'll also be glad to know that there was no free bar - in fact, not even a pay bar - and those of us lucky enough to attend the premiere were given only a bag of Doritos and a warm bottle of Tango. From where I was sitting in Screen 7, it looked to me that the same was true for celebrities Russell Howard and Mike Skinner of The Streets.