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Gary Rhodes's Local Food Heroes

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  • Posted at 12:45pm
  • 20 November 2007
  • by RhodriMarsden-RT
  • 1 comment

One thing unifies every single TV chef. Asked about their philosophy regarding food, they'll all say: "It's all about simple recipes, using the very best ingredients." This mantra has been particularly apparent throughout Gary Rhodes's series, Local Food Heroes.

Over the last few weeks, Gaz has subjected us to a fairly humourless guide to the best of British food producers, using a strange voice that he only started to adopt in earnest about five or six years ago. He used to have a chirpy London accent: now, he speaks in an achingly slow, slightly posh, slightly strangled way, as if a big gorilla is standing behind him with a large knuckle pressed into his back.

And he says weird things, too, like: "The flavours are staring us in the face." At one point during Sunday's finale, he actually said: "I could have that and just spread it on the most wonderful wild of strawberries sensation." No really, he did. But most of all, he stated very seriously how important it is to make simple recipes, using the best ingredients. For a change, I'd quite like to see some overly complicated recipes, using unappealingly unnatural ingredients. For example…

Monosodium Glutamate Surprise

Ingredients:

4 fl oz sump oil 4 fl oz cooking oil 4 tbsp monosodium glutamate 1 x can corned beef 2 x factory-farmed chicken breasts 4oz vegetable-fat spread 1/2 pint skimmed milk, on the turn 1 x watermelon alcopop 1 x can "gourmet" cat food 1lb frozen mixed vegetables 1 x ham and cheese slice 8 pints cooking sherry 1 x strawberry mousse (lite) 4 x bananas, unripe, flown in at vast expense from an unsustainable forest mince to taste

Method:

- Combine the sump oil and the cooking oil in a bowl, using a teaspoon.

- Transfer the mixture into a second bowl, continuing to mix using the same teaspoon.

- Add the monosodium glutamate. Pour off exactly 7/8 of the contents into a third bowl, reserving the remaining 1/8 of the mixture in the second bowl. Wash up the original bowl. Pat it dry with a piece of kitchen roll. Put it away in the cupboard.

- Open the can of corned beef. Tip onto a chopping board to create a satisfying thud. Chop the beef into exact 1cm³ cubes. Arrange the cubes in lines on a large plate. Admire your handiwork. Now throw them away, remembering to reserve one cube for garnish.

- Using a whisk, gently whip the chicken breasts until they form soft peaks.

- Pour a little of the oil mixture (from the third bowl) into a searing hot pan. Throw away the remainder from both bowls. Yelp slightly. Remember that teaspoon we used earlier? Use it to add the vegetable fat spread. Stand back and watch in amazement. Now fry the skimmed milk, searing it on all sides in order to seal in all that moisture. Reserve. Now deglaze the pan using the watermelon alcopop.

- Boil up the cat food, frozen veg and the ham and cheese slice for four hours, until the mixture has reduced to a thick paste. Reserve.

- Decant the cooking sherry into a ceramic jug, via a funnel which you have had to go out and buy especially. Throw away the funnel. Drink half the sherry until you are beginning to glaze. Mix the other half with the strawberry mousse, beating with a wooden spoon until you are smooth and glossy.

- Peel the bananas. Trim them with a sharp knife until they are absolutely straight. Arrange them on a plate in the "andante" formation as discussed in Appendix B on page 182. Top with the corned beef cube, whipped chicken, fried milk, boiled paste and sherry/mousse mixture. Sprinkle liberally with mince, uncooked.

- Serve.

Gary Rhodes's Local Food Heroes was on UKTV Food (Sky 259, Virgin 260).

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Comments

  • Posted on 20 November 2007
  • at 9:25pm
  • by robsoft

"Mince to taste"....?

Is this an ingredient or specific guidance on how to behave while we're cooking?

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